Insatiable Desire.

Hi there, 


Today is a blustery, windy, rainy Seattle day. I must not take this for granted. This gray day up here in the northwest. But somehow I have begun to take these days, hours, and minutes for granted. This is what happens when your little one is sick and the days are spent wiping noses, cuddling, hearing loud coughs, and trying to comfort (even when it seems like nothing will ease their discomfort).

Today I realized that I was feeling emotionally off. After sulking for a few minutes in the ugliness I knew that the place I needed to go was to the word. I got a new bible for Christmas, a bigger cranberry version of the one I had before - and I am loving it. Although they are the same words from before it does me good to see fresh pages with no markings and allow the Lord to speak. We had an absolutely lovely Christmas. Time with family, wonderful gifts, tons of food, and relaxation. But I didn't get enough time alone in the word over a few days. You know when that happens, you just feel off, that you are lacking in something and need to do something to overcome it. I've finally realized that a lack of time spent conversing with Jesus makes my entire demeanor and thought process different and of course this time it was no different.

How was your time in the word over the holiday? I pray that it was good, a rich time spent with the one that the holiday is all about. But if you were like me, and didn't get enough - allow yourself to feel the hope that it can change.

I'm going to pray for an insatiable desire for scripture, knowing Jesus better, and sharing the good news.

Are you with me?

Surpass

There is a peace that surpasses all understanding. It protects your heart, guides your thoughts, and enables freedom. It draws you away from yourself and your own desires and into the perfect plan of the Father. Today, I have experienced this peace unlike any other time in my life.

Today I found out that I miscarried after six and a half weeks of pregnancy. I spent a few hours in the Emergency Room after getting some advice from a doctor. Circumstantially it should have been quite a cruddy day. I was experiencing the first regular signs of miscarriage for about the last 24 hours, lots of abdominal cramping, swelling, being poked and prodded multiple times for an IV, two ultrasounds, hospital smells, tests, and shots.

I won't lie and say that these last two days have been fun. But I will tell you about the peace I am experiencing and where it comes from.

It isn't coincidence that this week I had been meditating on Psalm 34. It is full of exactly what I needed in these moments and I turned to it quite a bit. If you've read it and remember you will know what I am talking about.

I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
and let us exalt his name together!
I sought the LORD, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.
Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
The face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The LORD redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

(Psalm 34 ESV)

I LOVE THIS! I could sit in one of those verses for days. Even though this is hard, hurts (emotionally and physically), and doesn't feel fun I am experiencing what that first verse says. Bless the Lord at ALL times. He will deliver me from my fears, he will not let me be ashamed, he will be near to me, he will save me, he will deliver me, and he redeems me. That is where the peace lies. In Jesus. Only in Jesus. In his life and it's perfection, in his death and how it saves us, and in his resurrection showing that he can't be held by death - we are given peace, knowing that HE accomplished it all because we can't. We can't do anything but HE does everything.

Can I get a HALLELUJAH!?

Not only has this strengthened my faith but it has strengthened my marriage. My husband has served me selflessly in these last two days. He has done everything for Siena and I, been so loving and has relied on the Lord. Right now he is memorizing the book of Philippians. He has been speaking it to me all day long. I don't find this a coincidence either.

What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.
Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
(Philippians 1:18-21 ESV)

Advent

With tomorrow being December 1st (how did that happen?!?!) I think that it is probably appropriate that I post something about advent. Chris, if you are reading babe - please stop now. I appreciate that you read my blog but I want these things to be a surprise!!

Growing up we inherited a felt advent calendar that my Grandma Oma (our great grandma) made for my dad and his brother when they were young - similar to this. My brother and I would be so excited to remove the ornament from the pocket and place it on the tree with a pin. We also had the excitement of a chocolate advent calendar whose chocolate wasn't the best quality but we enjoyed it anyway.

After Chris and I got married we didn't have many Christmas decorations. My grandma and I went shopping in a quaint little town called Sumner where there are a few antique and home stores that she enjoys going in. I found the advent calendar that I had been dreaming of - complete with a rustic feel and handpainted Christmas figures on each little door. My grandma offered to pay for most of it as it was a little steep... and I took that thing home with excitement. That year we put little ornaments from Crate & Barrel, chocolates, and little notes that either gave gifts or love to our spouse inside the little doors. The next year Siena was under 2 months old and I was exhausted - so advent didn't happen.

Learning and grace are two parts of becoming a wife and mama. I've seen both through and through over the last two years and am really excited for the hope they give me. We can have a more God glorifying and Jesus honoring advent season. Our hearts can be aligned with his and our family can build traditions to come to each year. This gets me excited, hopeful, and thankful that we don't have to stay in years past. By God's grace it will get even better in the future years!

This year here are ten ideas of what we are doing:

- Christmas Ship & Clam Lights on Dec. 2nd if you live near us!

- Go on a snow adventure

- Read the story of Jesus' birth

- Deliver treats to neighbors with a card telling them of the true reason for the season

- Go caroling; Sing songs praising Jesus for coming!

- Have a Christmas dance party!

- Make snowman pancakes

- Serve at the food bank; Jesus came to serve, not the be served.

- Make/decorate/eat Christmas cookies

- Drink hot cocoa and talk about what you are thankful for

Add another 14 things to the list (or email me and I'll give you the other 14+ that we have compiled!) and you have fun, family filled things to do during the advent season. It truly doesn't matter what you are doing as long as you bring it back to the Lord and his purpose for coming to earth. It is a celebration! The other part that I have added is from this blog, thanks to my friend Lexi. Chris, Siena, and I will be doing a reading each day during our little adventure. I may add some pictures on Friday when I get home of our advent calendar but be creative! You definitely don't have to have one like ours to have a creative and fun month.

Enjoy!

we are thankful for

- my sweet girl Siena Joy. How life can vanish so quickly. In loving memory of Madison Paige.

- going to a wedding and having fun with my mother in law!

- when Chris forgives me for disrespecting him

- $ for my new blog

- Spring, sun, cherry blossoms, light out @ 6pm

- a break from busyness

- close friends who are there to give us what we need

- asking for friend's forgiveness and receiving an amazing response

- having an amazing first month at the Clayton's home

- learning Galatians 5:16, walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh

- cherishing sweet time with my baby

- friends watching Siena

- Buyer for the Highlander

- Salvation! Christ died for me while I was still a sinner! Hallelujah!

- sanctification and transformation! By God's grace we can change.

- praying for reconciliation with a friend and receiving that exactly.

- watching the birth of my friend's baby girl

- my mom and her sweet heart, how she gifts me with TJs, food, and love

- friends sending Starbs cards in the mail

- PT's first day of school; thinking about my childhood and our kid(s)

- the mens advance; thank you that all the men in our CG are going!

- weather, I constantly see the Lord in the rain, sun, wind, and snow.

- S&A having us over and giving us yummy french chocolate pastries

- all of lifes modern conveniences. esp. iPhone, computer, boogie wipes, chapstick and Siena's playmat

- A's sweet response to us leaving, she knew we would at some point...

- friends crying when we told them about SD; shows true friendship

- clothes from friends and people we don't know well for Siena

- HEALING for Chris' sickness

- $20 on the floor...

- the Lord bringing me to this high place of treasuring all moments with SJ

- inlaws paying for SJ's party

- spouse serving the other when ill

- ability to share Jesus with others

- the Lord telling us to go to SD, His will be done!

- 1) we aren't out of money 2) we aren't unemployed 3)we aren't homeless 4) we don't have major illnesses 5) we haven't lost a child

- our 1st support appointment was SO encouraging

- friends bringing us food when Chris was sick.

- Siena napping.

- Siena saying first words; esp Hi Dada!

- an amazing friend who blesses us constantly with food, fun memories, and money when we really need it.

- holding my mom's hand at the women's retreat - knowing that we will do this for eternity; praising Jesus together!

- knowing God is working through this possible internship. we don't know what it looks like yet but we bet as we read this we do. 3/20/11 (YEP!)

- papa accepting Jesus before he passed away.

- special friends and how we connect on every level in life

- N&O calling out of the blue wanting to support us!

- a clean kitchen

- Clayton's letting us live with them

- meeting D's and G's in Orlando; lifelong friends!

- amazing vacation with friends!

(Just a little glimpse into our Thanksgiving and what we have been thankful for in 2011)

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am so thankful for life. For Jesus. For my family (biological & Christ given). For freedom. For turkey.

The holidays are such a sweet time each year, remembering traditions of years past, filling your belly up with yummy treats, and watching the parade.

This year though I am filled with joy because of other people's generosity that stems from Jesus', life, death, and resurrection. We have had people join our support team in the last few days who have been more generous then anything I have ever first hand witnessed. It blows me away that people understand what we are doing, why we are doing it, and feel led by the Holy Spirit to be generous in order for us to answer the call that the Lord has asked of us.

I am thankful for that.

I am also thankful that I am going to be finishing up the Thankfulness series TODAY! Even if that means a triple dose with some questions to ponder instead of mini summaries. I think that it is fitting to wrap it up on the thankfulness holiday. So here we are. Thank YOU for coming along for the ride. I hope that you have a different heart of gratitude after this long journey!

Days 29,30,31.

Who are you thankful for? Why?

What blessings have come through your loved ones?

How has the Lord shown through in dark times? Be thankful!

How would your life be different if you were thankful every day??

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Little Vaca

The Lord took us on a little getaway this weekend without our little Joy. We left her with my family and headed over the mountains to visit with friends and meet some potential supporters. This trip was a much needed break for our marriage, my heart, and was so much fun.

We started it out with a little bit of this:

Pinterest

and some of this:

Pinterest

I read us a little of this book as we drove (we got it early to pre-read it as Chris is a volunteer biblical counselor for our church):

Pinterest

It was a great time of laughing, talking, sharing, being real, and enjoying each other's company. That night my sweet friend Dana from college and her husband Mike treated us to Red Robin where I quickly enjoyed an oreo milkshake - I forgot the name they use for them... but they are SO good. The next day we ate breakfast and headed over to Yakima which was about an hour drive. In a cute little coffee shop we met our friend Tim's parents, brother, pastor, and another couple. They listened to us share our heart about our ministry in San Diego. It was such a blessing to experience that - a little image of the greater church. Walking away from the weekend I am amazed at people's generosity towards us. With all our meals, coffees, places to stay, and treats taken care of... these people cared for us in very sweet ways. Thank you Jesus for people who understand your mission and desire to love on us because of it.

Day 28:

Today she talked about how we need to be grateful for things that we daily take for granted. Those things for me are a comfy bed, a loving husband, a sweet baby, food, a clean bathroom, the list could go on and on.

Drop those in your basket!

Excited to soon share with you what our family plans to do for advent!

Hearing with faith

Today my husband is wrapped in a blanket, cuddling on the couch watching football. My baby girl is asleep in her crib. They are both sick and I've taken this time to get away while they both rest. It is the first time in a long time that I have gone to a coffee shop to spend time with the Lord and get rest and rejuvenation. It is medicine for my soul. The rain outside, the red cup with a peppermint mocha inside, and the ESV study bible are a recipe for a cozy few hours.

Lately my lovely friend Ally and I have been reading through Galatians together. It has been a great time of fellowship, accountability, and learning for both of us (I know her that well that I can speak for her too!). We have read through the first two chapters already and today I started reading chapter 3. I was praying that the Lord would speak to me during this little vaca in the middle of the day and he is sweet to do so. Chapter 3 is all about how we receive the Holy Spirit. The Galatians had been misguided by false teachers into believing that we receive the H.S. through the things that we do. Paul is emphatically encouraging the believers that we receive him ONLY through faith! Here is where I will plug that you buy a study bible if you don't already have one. The way that using a study bible to dissect verses and words, to give you proper meaning, and to expound on passages is so beneficial. It has truly taken my time with Jesus to another level. It goes from being your own interpretation to a mini sermon right there as you sit quietly in your bedroom. I love it!

So as I read through the first few verses and the commentary that coincides with it - my heart was struck by something. Paul says in verse 3, "Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?" To bring this verse to life in my current situation I'll tell you what Chris and I have been going through.

Since being married Chris and I have felt deep inside that we are to have a large family. This may sound crazy to you - but we have no limit on the number of biological, foster, or adopted children that the Lord may bless us with. We want to be completely open handed with what he wants our family to look like. My loving husband has a sweet desire to continue to grow our little family. And soon. If you remember what I wrote about when Siena was first born - it was either sparse, lonely, or filled with an attitude of pessimism. I had a difficult time. For the last few months Chris has gently asked me when I would be ready for Baby #2. I told him over and over that I was not ready and that I wanted to wait. Being who he is - he is fine with this but praying that when the time is right that the Lord would show both of us.

Yesterday he asked me if I would pray about having another baby. I told him I would with that feeling in the pit of my stomach that the Lord's answer would soon be yes. A few hours after praying for that, a sweet friend prayed for me and my fears and that the Lord would comfort me and bless us. Like I told her, it is not that I don't want more children or that I understand that it isn't about waiting 2months versus 2years. For me it is waiting for peace, desire, and encouragement from Jesus. In the commentary for verse 3 it talks about receiving the Spirit and that it means being sanctified and empowered by the Holy Spirit.

There are things going through my head about Baby #2. But they are all about me. They are not about Jesus. They are my fears and anxieties. They are my worries and my sins. But the peace that comes through this verse is that I can be sanctified, changed, and empowered by the Holy Spirit. I can change. Ahh.. peace.

Looks like the first part of my peace, desire, and encouragement prayer has been answered.

P.S.

Thankfulness Day 27.

Can I just praise Jesus right now?

I just opened the book and the first words I read were, "What opportunity has God presented you with that you have been afraid to accept?"

I'll leave it with that.

Love you guys.

The Great Move

If you haven't read my newest addition to the blog you can do so here. You will find out when reading the little blurb that the Knight family is making a huge move. I've had some friends recently ask me if I had written anything about what is happening in our family pertaining to us moving. I always seem to reply that, no - I haven't; I'm not sure what to say.

So, I think that it is about time to make this news public.
Aside from just sticking it nonchalantly into my family section of the blog.

If you've been keeping up with our family - you know that God had called Chris to quit his job as a small business banker and to accept a position with our church in Bellevue, Wa. Because of the way that the position worked, we would be raising full support through Great Commission Ministries. I posted the letter that we sent out before going to Orlando for training in mid-July. That trip was amazing; the Lord used it to strengthen and unite us in our marriage and he did some things that I couldn't make public for awhile. Sometimes you can be unsure of details in life and keeping it quiet and waiting on Jesus is the only right thing to do.

So, while we were in Orlando we found out that Chris' technical "boss" was leaving the church to go help out a church plant in sunny southern California. He offered Chris a position there and I strongly encouraged Chris that we needed to stay where we were until we heard differently from Jesus. Because we have had times like this already in our marriage - Chris knew that Jesus would change and soften my heart if we were supposed to go.

That was exactly what happened.

After three days and nights of praying and talking only to Jesus, Chris, and my mom - I knew that God was calling us out of our comfort and into San Diego, California to do full time college ministry. If you know us at all this makes perfect sense. Jesus changed my heart and gave me a love for Him far greater then I had ever experience in college. Jesus captured Chris' heart of stone and gave him a heart of flesh in college. Jesus had us start dating, get engaged, and fall in love in college. Jesus had us share our faith in college. Jesus had us be part of small and large movements of Christians in college.

So it makes complete sense that our ministry would be to those

in college.

A little background.

I'm a Washington girl; born and raised.

I love Seattle, the city skyline, the coffee, the Puget Sound, Pike Place.

I love rain, clouds, storms, and the beautiful summers (not this year) that we get.

I love that my parents, in-laws, friends, community of believers are minutes away.

I love that my dad uses an air conditioner 5 days a year (not every day!)

I love that Siena was born here.

So, just so it's clear.

I'm not thrilled to be going to constant 77degree weather, sun, hot beach days, 22 hours from my family, away from my church, starting over with relationships.

I am thrilled to be answering God's call on my life. To be obedient to his command. To respect and honor my husband. To give everything up, take up my cross, and follow Him. This far surpasses any heartache that I will experience, any loneliness, any sadness. I truly want my moments, days, weeks, months, years to be marked by obedience and faithful pursuit of my Creator. & this is a step in that journey.

With all that said, I am excited. I am nervous & I am a thousand other things as we go through this support raising crazy last Holiday season with our families. But I am thankful - thankful that God has revealed His precious plan for us and grateful that we are able to be used by Him for Him.

Day 26

Jeremiah 32:38 says, "They will be my people, and I will be their God."

How can you be praising Jesus in prayer and thanksgiving?

What can you praise Him for? Write it down and stick in that blessings jar!

Today I am thankful for these two and the life that I have been given that I do not deserve. My baby girl loves that Daddy of hers and loves John Deere!

Day 25.

Pinterest

Take a few moments to reflect on your day.

Did anything out of the ordinary happen or was the day filled with normal tasks?

Sometimes we need to realize that the practical things of life are indeed blessings from our Creator.

Did you have food today?

A glass of clean water?

A roof over your head?

Did you go to work or stay home with your kids?

Were you able to pray out loud to Jesus?

Did you drive anywhere in a car?

Purchase anything in a store?

How has God blessed you today? Think practically, think simply.

If you can't think of anything to be thankful for today - Pray to Jesus and ask him what you should be thankful for & if you still can't, talk to me!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**If you desire to cultivate a heart of thankfulness & are willing to try it for 31 days (give or take - there is always grace here) - post a comment during any of my blogs that relate to thankfulness.

I will send you a gift at the end to show my thankfulness for you. If you are curious what the JOB is read my post here.

Gracegracegracegracegrace...

Lately I've been plagued with writer's block. I've also been plagued with the enemies lies and confusion when it comes to what I should/can/desire to write about here. This started as a place to share my time with Jesus and other little things along the way. I want to keep that journey going but it is sometimes difficult to do when life is so full of other things.

If you've been around here for awhile, you know that I attempted to do a 31 day Thankfulness stint, oh you know - back in FEBRUARY!!!!!! and have not finished it. We got 23 done. The whole time I talked about grace and how Jesus gives it so freely. Well, I am experiencing and reveling in his grace because it is October and we are still not done. With two moves, one under way in a few months, two trips to both sides of the U.S., and all other things life brings - my blog has definitely taken a back seat.

Even with all that said, I truly want to finish this out. My blessings jar is 3/4 full and I am SO excited for Thanksgiving to read them with my family. So, join me in a few more days (or weeks) of thankfulness. I know your heart will be glad that you did.

Day 24 (more like 240!!)...
Giving thanks for Having Enough

"Living in a land of plenty presents a challenge. Our vision of what is enough is often distorted by a climate of aggressive advertising and conspicuous consumption. We are told that our wants - a new outfit, a nice car, a theater ticket, a vacation - are really our needs. Even though I see the fallacy of this thinking, I still succumb. When I focus my attention on what I think I need, I am less inclined to give thanks for what I have and to be grateful that what I have is enough."

Do you feel inundated with this kind of thinking? I sure do! I see a new style of outfit I want, new boots, a beautiful home, and covet my friends vacations. We are never satisfied. I love her decision to be thankful for what she does have! If we just take a minute to go through what we have and what we have been given we will be blown away by God's blessing in our lives! The bible says that every good and perfect gift is from above. Obviously, he will not give us every material possession that we want... but we need to learn to be thankful for the sweet gifts he gives us everyday.

Source: fitisthenewbeautiful.tumblr.com via Journal on Pinterest

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
**If you desire to cultivate a heart of thankfulness & are willing to try it for 31 days (give or take - there is always grace here) - post a comment during any of my blogs that relate to thankfulness.
I will send you a gift at the end to show my thankfulness for you. If you are curious what the JOB is read my post here.

I am

I'm sure you are able to understand how life gets so crazy real fast. Your firstborn turns one. The leaves start changing. The holidays are coming. Your family is now a missionary family...

Well, maybe you don't understand all of that. But I am sure that you understand busyness and that is what we have going on in the Knight family.

Sometimes busyness is selfish, only producing what we desire. Other times I think that the Lord wants us to have full plates if we are hearing from Him and putting Him first. Learning this is sometimes a difficult task. I really desire to be busy for Jesus but I can easily backslide into tasks for myself; forgetting the best things that he has desired that I spend my time doing.

Some examples,
-I love organization but cannot seem to stay organized. I love neat, tidy, picked up spaces - but NOTHING in my life has been able to stay this way. There is a balance between laziness and obsession with order... but how do I find it?
-I've struggled in the past with filling my time up with friends and activities because I want to hide from the work that I should be doing at home - the work that is not so fun. There is a balance between having fun and working at home - how do I figure that out?
-I want to be the super mom - especially when it comes to planning a first birthday for my daughter. There is a balance between not having a celebration and going nutso with every little detail - but what does that mean?
-I want to be an amazing writer but feel so inadequate. There is a balance between desiring 50,000 followers and not even trying - who shows us how to do that??

I think that the answer is to spend time with Jesus. Ask Him these questions. What do you desire with my time Lord? When do you want me to wake up? What do I need to change in my life? How do I live a balanced life? How do I love you with an ever-increasing abundant and joyful love? What I have found is that he will tell you! It may not be verbal but he will definitely show himself to you in His word. He will answer your questions. He will guide your feet. He will pick you up when you fall.

My biggest lesson in these last few weeks is I am/I am not; I'll show you what I mean.

I am not:
-A baker (my treats may not look perfect)
-A party planner (my party may not be featured on pinterest)
-A designer (my clothes and style may not be quality for Real Simple)
-A photographer (my pictures may not ever have amazing quality)
-A graphic artist (my photoshop images may never generate profit)
-A five star chef (my food may never be the best)
-A writer (my blog may never have 50,000 followers)
-A perfect wife (I will still get angry and sin against my husband)
-A patient mama (I will still get frustrated with my beautiful girl)

I AM:
-A child of the most high God
-Saved by Jesus
-Indwelled with the Holy Spirit
-Redeemed from the chains of sin

My challenge is to live in light of who I AM, who God has created me to be. That means I am a Christ follower! If I focus on all the things I am not I will be pushed into despair. No, I am not the best at all those things. But is that what I am defined by? No. I am defined by what Christ did on the cross. That is all that matters.

Will you live in light of your identity in Christ?

‎"Our greatest fear as individuals and as a church should not be of failure but of succeeding at things in life that really don't matter." -Tim Kizziar

I so desire this for my life. Reading in Francis Chan's book today, Crazy Love, I came across this quote. It gives me such peace. I don't need to succeed at party planning, being the most organized wife, or wearing the most put together outfit.

I need to love the Lord with all my heart, mind, and strength as the scriptures say. Apart from this, I will be bold enough to say that nothing matters. Our of loving the Lord will overflow a heart to be hospitable, loving to my family, and healthy. But they are not important in and of themselves.

If you aren't reading a good book right now - I hands down recommend Crazy Love. It impacts me every time I pick it up and gets us to think outside of ourselves.

Off to a day of a wonderful Grammie here to visit, an Apple Cider Pressing Party, and a support appointment with two of my favorite people!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Honesty & 11 months

I know that my thoughts around here have been sparse. We have been busy with MTD (Ministry Team Development), getting things back to normal after vacation, and all things life - as I'm sure you understand.
My sweet baby girl turned 11 months a few days ago. That means that I am busy planning a birthday party (with a post coming soon about all things party) and trying to take in my little one before she turns a year old. Every day is new as you mamas understand. But honestly, the reason I've been absent from my blog is because I've been shaking out my priorities. Making sure that how I spend my time is how the Lord wants it. A few things that I'm doing differently are getting up before Siena - who gets up at 6:15, so this means 5:20 for me to shower, have time with Jesus before she wakes, and make her breakfast. I'm not sure how long it will last and even though I am tired it is such a better schedule. I'm not rushed with her, I'm not impatient with her, and my focus is on Jesus and not on my tired and grumpy self. I'm also trying to be more organized and I'm trying to have a creative outlet. I'm praying to love my husband better, to get rid of anxiety and lean on the Lord, and to be used by Him in everything he calls me to. I'm thankful to Jesus for turning this selfish, angry, prideful woman, slowly into a patient, loving, kind, productive one who loves Him more each day.

Dear Sweet Joyful,

This last month has been wonderful. You are truly a joy. We left you for two nights, which was the longest ever. I missed you like crazy and I know you missed me. We picked you up and you cried when you saw us and then you got happy. I could tell that you thought we were going to leave again when we put you in your car seat so I rode with you in the back ;). You are such a verbal baby saying mama, dada, nana, nighnigh (good night), ba (ball), papa, Hi Dada (to everyone), and uh uh uh (uh oh). You are now crawling so fast, pushing to sit on your knees, pulling yourself up to standing, and cruising a little bit. You have always been so interested in details - squishing little things between your fingers and concentrating on a button or a speck of anything. You take all the books off the shelves everyday and pull all the toys out of each bin just to throw them behind you until it's empty. You love to swing at the park and to go on runs in your stroller with me. You eat everything. Little pieces of all veggies and fruits, meat, bread, pasta... you name it - you've probably eaten it. I love you so much. I can't believe that soon you will be one year old. How did time go so quickly?

~Mama

Psalm 67

Make Your Face Shine upon Us

May God be gracious to us and bless us

and make his face to shine upon us,

that your way may be known on earth,

your saving power among all nations.

Let the peoples praise you, O God;

let all the peoples praise you!

Let the nations be glad and sing for joy,

for you judge the peoples with equity.

and guide the nations upon earth.

Let the peoples praise you, O God,

let all the peoples praise you!

The earth has yielded its increase;

God, our God shall bless us.

God shall bless us;

let all the ends of the earth fear him.

Have you not heard?

This week marked the 50th anniversary of my grandparent's marriage. We celebrated by going up Crystal Mountain on the new gondola. We ate amazing food (ridiculously expensive - if you plan on going I can let you know how expensive), had some good bonding time, and looked onto some pretty spectacular views. I would recommend it to everyone I know for a date night or a hike with older children as there aren't railings on most of it so walking carefully is a must.

Reflecting on our time up there today, I am reminded of a greater principle. Isaiah 40:28 says "Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth."

Have you heard that before? He is the Creator of the entire earth and all that is on it. Look at that picture of Mt. Rainier. I cannot even describe to you how glorious it was up close. Most of us who live in Western Washington see it daily, but to get a few hours directly across it was breathtaking.

I know some think yeah, yeah, God created all that is on the earth.

But they stop there and don't let it transform their thinking, make them question, or affect their lives.

Hear this, Romans 1:19-20 says, "For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse."

Did you hear that? We are without excuse! When Paul wrote this he understood that God created the heavens and the earth. The mountains and the sea. The babies and teenagers. He tells us that we can see God's power through all of what he has created.

Please don't just think you understand that some sort of spiritual being made all of the beautiful things that we see. The Creator God made everything so that we would look at it and know without a shadow of a doubt that he loves, cares, and desires to be in relationship with us. Don't miss it! Like Romans says, we are all without excuse because of the amazing design of our Father. So seek Him out. The Bible says, Ask and it will be given to you. Seek and you will find. I know firsthand that this can seem overwhelming. But just take a step. Read a Psalm in your Bible, talk to a close friend. Email me and ask a question! Just do something! The God of the universe desires you and I would love to be a part of it!

ten months!

Dear Siena,

You are such a beautiful girl. My heart shines when I play with you. I love you with more love than I ever knew was inside of me. The bond between us is so sweet, something that I knew from being a daughter but it's oh so different being the mama.

You have done crazy amounts of new things this month. You are pretty tired of eating baby food, so I give you just about anything that I am eating and you love it! You still only have two teeth but you are good at swallowing little bites of food :). You feed yourself almost your entire three solid meals. It's not only amazing to see you growing but it allows me to eat too!

You have begun to crawl, which is SO fun! You get into everything but more importantly you have MORE fun! You go anywhere your little heart desires, you can come to me when you want me instead of just crying, you can get your own toys etc...

You now point at things and people, which you don't know isn't the nicest yet. But you mean it in the best way. You wave at people when I said buh-bye and hi. You now roll from tummy to back and back to tummy! You can make all sorts of sounds with your tongue and lips - it's hilarious.

You LOVE your daddy. He plays with you nonstop and makes you laugh and laugh. He loves getting home and seeing your face light up when you see him.

You are amazing Sugar Pie. We love you SO.

~Mama

burdened.

As I sit here, a million things are whirling through my mind.

Why haven't I been blogging? Why am I blogging? Where are we headed? How do I explain all that the Lord is doing in my family's life?

Through the last hour of sitting in the sunlit playroom, reading my bible while my baby girl sleeps - I finally feel peace. My audience is one but I don't always feel that way. I feel caught in the middle of desiring many followers, creating beautiful posts, and loving to write and on the other side sometimes I want to stop blogging all together. I don't want my worth to be caught up in this realm of internet influence and I don't want to worry if my writing isn't as good as the next gal. As one third of this tiny family that the Lord is changing rapidly, I pray that my focus would be Him in order to lovingly influence the other two thirds to do the same. If my life impacts any one else outside of that - then it is all His Grace.

In all honesty, I am struggling to with transparency. I want to share my entire heart, our goals, dreams, where our life is headed. But as a missionary family that is trying to obey the Lord in everything, all the details can't always be shared until He okays them. I need to be okay with that. And I need to figure out how to let you all in on the things that I can without feeling like I need to stop writing just because I can't share every minute detail.

So, I will continue to share what I can as I am faithful to Him through His strength.

This quote struck me this morning in the book Spiritual Disciplines of the Christian Life,
"Why if we are obeying the Lord, the responsibility rests with Him, not with us! Thou, Lord, Thou shalt have all the burden! At Thy bidding, as Thy servant I go forward, leaving results with Thee." - Hudson Taylor

the dancing guy.

Seriously, this is amazing. Chris showed it to me last night. It truly is a real picture of leadership. And it's funny.

Wave....

Since arriving at training, we have been welcomed with such warm arms. I love it here and I love what we are able to be a part of. The training is intensive and the new staffers are busy all day long. Siena and I have our normal routine even here. During the last few days before we arrived here, it was easy to be flexible because we were around large, loud crowds. Her loud, shrill screams were ok in the midst of millions of other's at Disney World.

Here however, it's a quiet meeting place with teaching, training, and devotionals. The little glimpses that I have gotten makes me want to stay for more. But my life's ministry is my sweet little 9month old chubby girl. This morning, Chris asked me, "Are you sad that this is what you have to do while we are here?" I told him, "No! This is my typical day!" It seems funny to him I'm sure that amidst the Florida weather (90's temps, hot sun, and thunderstorms), the fun training, meeting new people, and quaint apartment that we are living in - that I'm not feeling as if I am missing out. But truly, my days consist of naps, diapers, feedings, playing, and loud baby noises. I love it.

I especially love that I got to see another first from my little one today. We were walking back after dinner (after trying to sit through a session but the Joy wouldn't quiet down) back to our apartment. We passed an older couple that had their three grandchildren with them. The grandmother waved at Siena and I told her to say hi. Siena waved back! We have been trying to teach her this for months!

I brought her back inside and started tickling and playing with her before bedtime. I started waving at her in hopes that she would do it again and she did! It was the sweetest thing. I really love watching her learn new things and develop into a sweet little girl.

Here she is last week at the park! More pictures from that day, coming soon!

Why Hello Internet.

Pleased to finally meet you again!

God is so good. So good that in four days I have a list of 20 evidences of His grace to us. I think that I could come up with more. But really this has been a wonderful start to what I am sure is going to be amazing. Thursday night we took a red-eye to Orlando from Seattle. We left at 11pm and got to Orlando at 11am with one layover for 2 hours. Wow. Thats a lot of traveling!

But we are all three here and in one piece. Even better than that, I would say we are doing really well and enjoying ourselves in this humid, hot, beautiful place!

Evidences of God's Grace Orlando:

- Happy baby at the airport on Thursday after waking her up at 9pm

- Siena asleep to Milwaukee

- Chris and I have had wonderful prayer times together

- Siena sleeping upright on my chest through both flights, something she hasn't done since she was 4months

- Siena did well during the 2.5 hr layover

- We arrived safely in Orlando!

- It only cost $4 to get to our hotel on the Lynx!

- We were able to check in early to our hotel and got a crib (this was a HUGE deal!)

- Chris graciously let us eat poolside after over 24 hrs of not sleeping and not wanting to go anywhere to find food

- Siena slept from 6:30pm - 9:45 am (with a few bouts of crying... but we got onto a new timezone!)

- Chris and I slept from 8:30pm-9:45am!

- Had so much (cheap!) fun in Downtown Disney, especially the amazing guitarist/singer and free ferry shuttle!

- Siena had an hour long nap during which Chris worked out and I had precious Jesus time

- Jesus giving me patience and flexibility even as much as Siena going to bed super late and not napping... if you know me- this is a lot of grace! Thanks Jesus!

- Siena sleeping from 9pm-7am

- Having full bellies frugally!

- Getting to go to Magic Kingdom in Disneyworld! SO much FUN!!

- Nursing mom's room at D.W. ... seriously a huge blessing that allowed Siena to eat, nap, and be cool for a while

- Siena being an extremely flexible/happy baby 90% of the time!

I'll be updating as I can!

Hope you are having a wonderful start to your week!

accountability and discipline

Good afternoon!
It is sunny here. Finally! A hot 70degrees... Boy, I am in for a rude awakening in a few days. Orlando is averaging 93degrees this week. But I am excited!

Thank you for holding me accountable. I know. I know. You can't really hold me accountable. But something about knowing that I wrote that I would be running that day, well it made me go out and do it. Would you like to see my cheerleader who greeted me with claps right when I was done?
Here she is.



Pretty darn cute huh? I think so!
Anyway, on to the important things.

The Knight family has been having to do a lot of thinking lately. About discipline. Discipline with finances, our walks with Christ, our time, our relationships, our parenting (not necessarily disciplining Siena yet;), and exercise. Right now, I am reading Spiritual Disciplines of the Christian Life by Donald Whitney. I started reading it a few months ago in my accountability group with two other ladies. Honestly, this is one of the best books I've ever read. I would recommend it right after the Bible. It talks through 1Tim 4:7-8 that says, Rather train yourself for godliness, for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the one to come.

This book talks about being disciplined spiritually so that we become more like Christ and glorify him with our lives. Basically, this book has started to focus me on being disciplined. I know that in my life I am a Christ follower, then a wife, then a mama, then a friend/daughter/athlete/any.other.role.i.have.

So do my priorities show themselves in that way? Do yours?

Here are some ways that we are trying to actually have this happen in our household -

• Siena goes down for her first nap at 9. It is SO tempting to rush around getting things to be organized, dishes done, laundry done, emails, pinterest, blogging... You get the gist. But I must meet with Jesus first or my day is chaos. I must meet with him or my perspective is so off for the entire day.
• Chris has a day off. I want to spend it all with him - sleeping in (7:50.. I know it's laughable), eating, going to the park, planning. But I know I need Jesus more - so I come here to Starbucks to meet him and to get some quiet time away from the world.
• Siena cries and whines and yells and screams. At this point I want to freak out. Tell Chris to turn the car around. To go home. To stop the plans. But instead, I love him. I give in to his pleas for prayer and woah. Everything goes the opposite direction. Because I let my husband lead me out of my sin and to the King.
• I'm invited to go to another event. I've already been to a few coffee dates, play dates, etc... that week. My house is a mess. Our lives feel as if they are in disarray. Should I go? No, I should be wife, home-maker, mom. Get things done. Love my family.
• Siena wakes up. Everything is calm. I could go on the computer. We could lazily do nothing (which is not always bad!). But I discipline myself and go on a jog. The Bible says that bodily training is of some value. Not ALL value. But some. So, to love my family by being healthy, by stewarding my body well. I go out and get my run on.

I am not always good at these things. But this is what Jesus is teaching me.
How do you discipline yourself for godliness?

Running & Minnie Mouse.

There she is. Yep, Minnie Mouse. She is about to be my best friend here in a little bit. We will meet up in Florida soon and then in Cali a month later. The first time we will just say hello. The second time we will be competing. You know why? Because I'll be doing this.



And, I bet that lots of the other ladies will have something Minnie on them, and all I will want to do is run faster to race past them.
However ladies and gentlemen, I have only run 4miles since having Siena. When is that race you ask?

Oh yeah. 7 weeks away.

So, yeah. I'm a little behind. But that's alright.
Y'all are going to keep me accountable right? Right. So today I better get my bootie out there and run. Even if it is a 4miler. Because this weekend better be 5 so I can make it up to 10 before the race.

Ya hear me? Please keep this tush of mine in check.
Annnnd... then I'll be racing down the streets of Disneyland, happy as a clam.
Or sick like I ate some.

Baby Violet.

This morning Chris called me from work and had me take a break from my Jesus time this morning. I didn't question why, I just went over to my computer and typed in the familiar website that he asked me to go to.

As he started to explain the article that he wanted me to read, I began to get quite emotional. This new dad, also a staff member of the Resurgence and Mars Hill, has an 11 week old little girl who was born almost completely blind. I'll let you read his article, but please pray for his family. Baby Violet is probably in surgery as I type. But as her sweet, Godly daddy says, please pray more abundantly that Baby Violet would know her Heavenly Father and that her spiritual blindness would be taken away.

Pray this with me.

Dear Jesus,
(Psalm 67)
I pray that you would be gracious to them and bless them,
I pray that your face would shine upon them,
and most of all that your way may be known on earth because of this,
and your saving power.
I pray that they would praise you, O God,
that we would ALL praise you.

I pray that they would be glad and shout for joy,
for you judge all of us with equity,
and I pray that you would guide them through all of this.
I pray that they would praise you, O God,
that we would ALL praise you.

I pray that they would yield your increase,
I pray that you would bless them.
Please bless them God,
let all of us fear your name.
Amen.

9months.

Happy Birthday SJ!

9monthsalready??

I love you so so so much. I get so much joy from you every day. The Lord truly picked your sweet name and you live it out so well. Thank you for daily lighting up my life. You have made some milestones this last month. You started rocking back and forth on all fours, trying to crawl with your legs but then falling because you aren't so sure what to do with your arms. You clapped with your hands open while we were on vacation two weeks ago! It was so fun and now you do it whenever you want to, when I say clap clap clap, and when anyone says Yay! You babble all the time, saying things like mama, dada, baba, and many other sounds. You still blow raspberries, click your tongue, and have your bouts of screaming...

This month we had to sleep train you again. The culprit was your first two teeth that came in about two days apart. This had you up during the night for about a week. After that your lovely pediatrician advised me to train you again because the pain shouldn't last that long. Your mama was very (I mean VERY) happy to hear that. So, now you are sleeping again all night. You are taking two naps most days, one at 9am for about an hour and a half, and one at 12-1pm for an hour. Sometimes you really need another nap at 4 and that one is a quick thirty minutes.

You eat SO much! You still nurse four times a day before each nap and bed. You also eat any veggie and fruit that I give you, you've tried tortilla, bread, ice cream, puffs, artichokes (which you didn't really like), and pasta. You love to eat! Especially little chunks of banana - which you try to pick up but end up making everything incredibly sticky. You aren't sure how to actually put food into your own mouth yet so it just ends up squished in your hands and on the ground. But that's alright because you enjoy holding it and it distracts you from needing me 100% of the time.

That's right. We've come to a phase of loving our mama a whole lot. More than before. A little separation anxiety? Maybe. You also love being held by anyone if you can see me. Aaand... you do fabulously at church. You love being distracted by other kids. We lived with Dylan Parker and you love him so much. Now we live with Parker Timothy and Selah Grace. You love them both but I can tell the way you look at Selah for the first time in the morning... you two are going to be sweet friends.

I love you Siena Joy. I am so excited for you to crawl, walk, run, talk, and hug and kiss me more and more.

I love being your Mama.

Obedience.

On March 21st, Chris received an email from our good friend, who is also the Children's Director at our church. This email stated that internships were changing (Chris was currently an intern in Children's Ministry) and that we needed to pray about whether or not we wanted to accept the new internship which included things like more hours and more training among other things.

We prayed and both felt the Lord pulling us in the direction of accepting the new internship. This meant a few things for our family. Part time work for the Church. Part time work for Chris' current job as he basically would demote himself to a lower position to continue to provide for our family. This also meant trying to find a family to house us for this season so as not to put an unnecessary burden upon Chris to work more than he should (a recommendation for anyone accepting these new internships).

A little back story. Since we met, Chris and I have both felt that obedience would look a little crazy for us in the eye of the typical person. We felt that the Lord would call us to do some pretty abnormal things for the gospel. It makes sense doesn't it? Jesus did a pretty abnormal thing, in laying his life at the cross, paying our penalty for our sin? In light of that crazy, amazing, act of a blessing - our lives should imitate his and be abnormally different to share the good news of a savior with the world. Right? Right. Because we knew that the desire had been placed in both of us, we were prayerfully considering every opportunity that came our way since being married. At the end of last year, a few came up, but I didn't feel peace about any of them. So we continued to pray and wait.

After we prayed, talked, and decided that we would accept the internship more began to change. The Lord began tugging at my heart to raise funds for this season. He helped me remember my previous three stints in raising support and how his name was glorified and how he provided every penny that I needed. The next day another one of our friends mentioned Great Commission Ministries and how we should consider raising money through them. Then we received more news to pray about.

We were asked to pray through accepting a full time unpaid staff position for our church. We prayed and talked and decided. It was so peaceful. Is raising your salary 100% peaceful? Is moving two times into two different families homes 100% peaceful? Is quitting your job that is providing money for your family 100% peaceful? Is telling your family and friends of this crazy opportunity 100% peaceful? In the world's standards? No. It's not. But it has been! Gloriously peaceful. Every decision that we've made has been laced with Jesus' peace and for that I am SO grateful. I know this is his plan. His will. His timing.

Of course, you may have questions. That makes sense. We want to answer them the best we can. But we don't know everything. Just like four months ago we had no idea that any of this would be happening. But the Lord slowly revealed it and it is good. So, if you have questions please, please ask. If you need clarification - I will do my best! And, if you support the gospel going out and want to support us you can go here and type in Chris Knight. But truly, we covet your prayers for Jesus to do work to allow us to work and serve him.

Here is the letter that we sent our a few days ago.

I'm grateful to be able to finally fill you in on the details.

We are SO encouraged, SO excited, SO ready to continue to be obedient to the call on our lives.

small town usa.

I know. I know. It's been eleven days since the 4th. But c'mon people, just wait till tomorrow when I spill - the.big.news.

Yeah, you heard right.

It's time.

Time for the story to finally be told. Time for the details to come out. Time for me to get really honest. Time for you to understand the scatterbrained posts and lack-thereof.

But really, I love writing. I love telling of the adventures that we go on. I love revealing my heart and being transparent. So, as much as I can - I will continue to. Here is the weekend of the 4th. Well, one day of the weekend. I edited these pictures with Pioneer Woman's heartland action. Isn't it a little small town usa? Love it. It feels to me like I traveled back about hmm I don't know (i really don't know ;) - 50 years? Although 50 years ago I'm pretty sure they didn't have Baby Bjorns, BMX Bicycles, or Petunia Picklebottom diaper bags but you get the idea.

Old cars down on main street. Just in case you are just tuning in, that sweet thing on the right is not me. She is Chris' cousin Annika. Love her.

Shiny and beautiful. Can you imagine driving in this day to day?

Conconully. Yep. That's where we were. Where the country folk give you nine scoops of cookie dough ice cream when you ordered two. That's just how they roll.

Thank goodness too, because boy that was some goooood ice cream.

She loved the Joy.

And I love the Joy.

And he loved (loves) the Joy.

And there you have it. July 4th, 2,011. Done. Check. Written.

Tomorrow friends, please come back. You'll find out about the haps around here, the glorious story that Jesus is writing for us. Scratch that. The glorious story that he is writing that WE GET to be a part of.

Amen.