Day 7

Good morning. It's not sunny outside but I am feeling accomplished and joyful despite our circumstances. I feel a desire to write as each day I read this book it relates to what I am going through. I've done the dishes, cleaned the kitchen floor, tidied the living room, and then sat down to read. But none of this really matters even though I've checked it off my "list". We have a more pressing item in our lives. Chris continues to feel sick each day. It has progressed to him feeling ill deep in his core and stomach. He finally had his phone appointment today with the doctor and she said she doesn't know anything more. His iron level is low and he has weird enzymes on his liver. This sound familiar to my host of doctor readers?

So... with that she is referring us to internal medicine. He has ultrasounds this Friday and an appointment with the doctor at internal medicine next Wednesday. I asked my sweet husband if he was scared and he said, "no... bummed."

Am I scared? If I sit here and think about it too long, yes. Yes I am. I am so tired of seeing my poor husband shivering on the couch wrapped up in both of our coug blankets. I am tired of seeing him take medicine every 4 hours to control his fevers. I am tired of him barely eating what I make for dinner because he has no appetite. I am tired of him not wanting to take anything for lunch because nothing ever sounds good. I am tired of him being so sick that coffee would make him nauseous and so I don't get to make it for him each night like I always did. I am tired of our relationships being different in this home because he is so tired. I am tired of so many things.

But that is not the point.
And I know it.

I don't know the point yet. Maybe I never will. Maybe this will turn out to be nothing & he will be better tomorrow. Maybe it will turn into something that will change our lives forever. I don't know.

But I know the one who does know.
Do you?

Today's section in the book is so fitting. It is about hoping in Christ. At this moment and at all moments that is all we have to lean on. Or it should be.

I will leave you with a lengthy excerpt from the book because I love it and I cannot write as well as she can. It is so worth reading.

One chilly morning in December 1982 as I was returning home from a walk along the beach, I came to the end of myself. Nothing made sense anymore. I sat down right where I was and sobbed.

"God," I cried out, "who are you? Do you care anything about me? I feel hopeless. I've tried to find you. I want to know you."

Seconds passed. Then, ever so gently, a stream of familiar words came to mind: "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me". I had read these words of Jesus Christ in John's gospel (14:6) dozens of times. Why did they sound so different now? I wondered. Then I knew. I had never let them in before. I had never heard them for myself.

That winter day I did hear them - for me. I jumped up. "Jesus Christ is the way to God!" I shouted to the waves and sky. And to think I almost missed him! Here was the hope I had been looking for. No higher power, life force, or spiritual guide had offered me such assurance. "O God, thank you for your Son, Jesus," I whispered.

Everything was new in that moment. I was no longer a victim of my husband's actions against me. All have sinned and all fall short of the glory of God. That included me. I had known that from Paul's teaching (Romans 3:23) but until today I had never taken it to heart. No wonder I had not fully received this gift before. I had not seen myself as a sinner because I was too preoccupied with the sins others had committed against me. But that day I knew I needed forgiveness as much as anyone else. How grateful I was to know from my own experience that Christ did not come for the righteous but for sinners to repent. I was a sinner, and I prayed that day for forgiveness as I put my hope and trust in Christ as my Savior.

JOB Day 7- Have you received Christ's gift? If so, write down why you are thankful for it. If you haven't, write down where you are on your journey toward Christ.

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**If you desire to cultivate a heart of thankfulness & are willing to try it for 31 days (give or take - there is always grace here) - post a comment during any of my blogs that relate to thankfulness.
I will send you a gift at the end to show my thankfulness for you. If you are curious what the JOB is read my post here.

Sweet News...

Jesus tells us to not be anxious about our lives. I really struggle with that. Even down to little weekend trips like we just had. I get anxious that it won't be restful, that we won't have fun together, and that we wished we would have just stayed home.

I really understand why Jesus says do not be anxious. Sometimes cruddy things will happen. But most of the time, the time you spend worrying does nothing but make you feel like your heart is going to jump out of your chest or you end up acting like such a pessimist no one wants to be around you.

This weekend was really really restful. We really enjoyed ourselves. We ate good food, read, and most importantly spent good quality time with amazing people. One of the most restful parts for me was Chris watching Siena with Grandma M so that I could go to Starbucks. I totally just unloaded when I was there, drank coffee, blogged, and read. The night before I was talking to Chris about reading scripture and how I really wanted a bible study because I felt like I was just in one of those seasons of opening my bible and reading whatever was on that page. I've been there before and it's not my favorite place.

He reminded me of something though and it was such a fruitful conversation. He asked me what it would be like if I only had scripture to lean on. Did I think it was enough to sustain me? The words that surpass all cultures, times, and seasons in life. Was it good enough for me?

At first I was a little caught off guard. I explained to him that I needed a study to help me read and get things out of God's Word. But then I started thinking about what he said and it came to me. What he said was true. This does not down-grade any studies out there because I have learned SO much from many that I have done. Studies are good/beneficial/uplifting, but if we didn't have them would we still be filled? The Lord through his Holy Spirit can reveal to me truths through just reading his word. Chris challenged me to just start reading a section of scripture even one or two verses and really meditate on them. So while in Starbucks I just went to Romans where I had been reading the last few days.

I read Romans 1:16 that says, "For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek." I am NOT ashamed of the gospel. I read this over and over and over again. Am I ashamed? I cannot be ashamed! It says right in that verse that it is the power of God for salvation for all who believe. If I, someone who believes this, is ashamed of the gospel, how can I tell people? How can I explain that it is the sweetest news that they have ever heard?

Make that my life Jesus.
I am not ashamed of the good news.

obedience.

Each Friday morning I host a mom's group at my home complete with treats, tea, and approximately ten kids. It is wonderful. It has been such a blessing in my life. Hanging out with other mamas and talking about Jesus and how he is changing our lives; it's a gift.

Today I led the devotional on anxiety. When thinking about what to talk about, it was the first thing on my mind. Mark preached on it in the last two months and it really struck me. In the gospels Jesus says do not be anxious about your life. This means everything in life, it's all inclusive. It also means that if I am anxious - then I am disobeying my Savior.

I don't have any wise words on this because I am in the heat of learning and being sanctified. But I do know that the Word tells us some good things about anxiety. I also know that I don't have the power to obey this command on my own but the One living inside me is greater than my flesh.

o Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. – Proverbs 12:25

o Say to those who have an anxious heart, Be strong; fear not! Behold your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you. – Isaiah 35:4

§ rec·om·pense- Noun: Compensation or reward given for loss or harm suffered or effort made

o Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. – 1Peter 5:6-7

o Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. – Phil 4:6

o Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? – Matthew 6:25

o Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. – Matthew 6:34

o And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? - Luke 12:25

- What have you been anxious about lately?

o Relationship with the Lord, marriage, children, household, eating, clothing, body image, ministry, evangelism, service

- Where are you on the road to obeying Jesus when he says, “Do not be anxious about your life?”

I am tired of living in anxiety. Please Lord help me to live in obedience.