Control.

Control.
Control the amount of sleep your daughter gets.
Control the way your body looks.
Control the sound of your husband's activity.
Control the people around you so you stay happy.
Control the food that goes in your mouth.
Control the friends that you've been blessed with.
Control the ministry that is a gift.
Control the blog that you've started.
Control the relationship you have with the Lord.
Control the amount of anger you feel.
Control the way people look at you.
Control the cleanliness of your house.
Control the _______________.
Control.

The lovely golden idol I have crafted is beautiful on the outside. My daughter gets good sleep. My body is healthy. My ministry is thriving. My emotions are contained. My marriage is normal. My relationships are good.

The deceitful, shiny, fake God that I have created is not beautiful.
This is the truth.

I desire to control everything.
I try my best to control everything.
I manipulate others to get my way.

and when I don't -
all chaos brakes lose.
anxiety comes crashing down on me in an instant like a ton of bricks.
i cry.
my family is mistreated.
my friends are neglected.
my husband is torn in bits.
i'm exhausted by the constant juggling of the 1,000 things.
my joy cannot be found within this sparkly idol of control.

So I cry out to Him who is my JOY.

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all the day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.

I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,"
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.

Therefore let everyone who is godly offer
prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.
You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Be not like the horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
or it will not stay near you.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.
Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy , all you upright in heart.
Psalm 32

Praise the Lord!