Insatiable Desire.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Hi there, 

Today is a blustery, windy, rainy Seattle day. I must not take this for granted. This gray day up here in the northwest. But somehow I have begun to take these days, hours, and minutes for granted. This is what happens when your little one is sick and the days are spent wiping noses, cuddling, hearing loud coughs, and trying to comfort (even when it seems like nothing will ease their discomfort).

Today I realized that I was feeling emotionally off. After sulking for a few minutes in the ugliness I knew that the place I needed to go was to the word. I got a new bible for Christmas, a bigger cranberry version of the one I had before - and I am loving it. Although they are the same words from before it does me good to see fresh pages with no markings and allow the Lord to speak. We had an absolutely lovely Christmas. Time with family, wonderful gifts, tons of food, and relaxation. But I didn't get enough time alone in the word over a few days. You know when that happens, you just feel off, that you are lacking in something and need to do something to overcome it. I've finally realized that a lack of time spent conversing with Jesus makes my entire demeanor and thought process different and of course this time it was no different.

How was your time in the word over the holiday? I pray that it was good, a rich time spent with the one that the holiday is all about. But if you were like me, and didn't get enough - allow yourself to feel the hope that it can change.

I'm going to pray for an insatiable desire for scripture, knowing Jesus better, and sharing the good news.

Are you with me?



Sunday, December 18, 2011

There is a peace that surpasses all understanding. It protects your heart, guides your thoughts, and enables freedom. It draws you away from yourself and your own desires and into the perfect plan of the Father. Today, I have experienced this peace unlike any other time in my life.

Today I found out that I miscarried after six and a half weeks of pregnancy. I spent a few hours in the Emergency Room after getting some advice from a doctor. Circumstantially it should have been quite a cruddy day. I was experiencing the first regular signs of miscarriage for about the last 24 hours, lots of abdominal cramping, swelling, being poked and prodded multiple times for an IV, two ultrasounds, hospital smells, tests, and shots.

I won't lie and say that these last two days have been fun. But I will tell you about the peace I am experiencing and where it comes from.

It isn't coincidence that this week I had been meditating on Psalm 34. It is full of exactly what I needed in these moments and I turned to it quite a bit. If you've read it and remember you will know what I am talking about.

I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
and let us exalt his name together!
I sought the LORD, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.
Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
The face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The LORD redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

(Psalm 34 ESV)

I LOVE THIS! I could sit in one of those verses for days. Even though this is hard, hurts (emotionally and physically), and doesn't feel fun I am experiencing what that first verse says. Bless the Lord at ALL times. He will deliver me from my fears, he will not let me be ashamed, he will be near to me, he will save me, he will deliver me, and he redeems me. That is where the peace lies. In Jesus. Only in Jesus. In his life and it's perfection, in his death and how it saves us, and in his resurrection showing that he can't be held by death - we are given peace, knowing that HE accomplished it all because we can't. We can't do anything but HE does everything.

Can I get a HALLELUJAH!?

Not only has this strengthened my faith but it has strengthened my marriage. My husband has served me selflessly in these last two days. He has done everything for Siena and I, been so loving and has relied on the Lord. Right now he is memorizing the book of Philippians. He has been speaking it to me all day long. I don't find this a coincidence either.

What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.
Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
(Philippians 1:18-21 ESV)