Friday, December 31, 2010

The truth is... I have had some frustrating thoughts today. I know what some of you will say if you read this, duh megan you're a new mom, i feel the same way, get a clue megan that's how life is now that you have a baby. But hear me out. I'm going through this for the first time & I am learning from the Lord and being sanctified by the Holy Spirit. Yesterday, my truly amazing husband had the day off. Hallelujah! He had the job of putting our sweet little one to bed as I had a meeting at our house. He shushed her and bounced her and she slept for three hours. He banged dishes, vacuumed, and put away clothes in our room. She then slept again after we went out to lunch for another THREE hours. It was so amazing. Today, with my sweet husband gone, I attempt to put her to sleep as he had. I love gleaning from him and his sweet daddy nature. I pray to be humble as I learn from him how to put her down. That my half hour of rocking that results in baby waking up three minutes later, might not be the best approach.

But, she doesn't cooperate. As of right now 12:11pm on this lovely New Years Eve day, she is asleep. But, for how long? I shushed her and bounced her and layed her down over an hour ago. But she has already woken up three times. So I shushed and bounced three more times...

I came out to my living room to read my bible on the third try. That was about 15 mins ago, and I prayed for 20. So.. Haha, Lord you have a humorous side. She just squealed in her bedroom. Hmm... is the little one awake?

If I could only get to the point. I came out here and knew exactly where to read in the Word. Galatians 5. Walk by the Spirit. Hm... As I read that familiar passage, I realized that I hadn't been. I need to. If I am going to survive these days of constant toil of putting precious baby back in and out of her crib, I need to walk by the Holy Spirit.

I realized, I need to be thankful. I'll finish the thankfulness part later, as my sweet baby just woke up :)

thank you.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

thank you Jesus for-
-an hour and a half of quiet so that I could hear Pastor Chris' sermon from last week.
-friends who are willing to help me in this crazy new stage.
-an amazing mom who is so incredibly selfless & has taught me what it means to be a daughter of the King, a wife, and a mom.
-a sweet baby, after re-reading the chapter in Feminine Appeal (an amazing book by Carolyn Mahaney) about loving your children... I realize that I need to treat Siena Joy as a heritage and blessing from the Lord in all times, even the hard times when it feels like a burden.
-this home to live in.
-my sweet husband who selflessly serves me, stays home when I need him, and loves me unconditionally.
-your word. I cannot get through the day without it. it brings peace & joy like nothing else can.
-my Church family. what a great joy we are experiencing being a part of the body of Christ. nothing compares with the amazing relationships that he gives us, within our small expression of church and the larger Church :)
-Most of all, what I need to focus on for the next week. Being thankful that you came. You came to this earth as a baby, lived a perfect life, were hung on a cross, were buried, and rose from the dead. All of this to save this sinful people from their unrighteousness. Thank you, thank you, thank you Jesus.

Siena Joy - Part 1

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Six and a half weeks in and I cannot believe it. Time is sort of in a weird slow, fast, fast, slow mentality. I've wanted to write since she was born, but in reality I didn't feel capable until now. I'll start at the beginning, post what I get done and probably have to do some part 2, part 3 action.

October 16th, 2010 was my mom's 49th birthday. We planned on dinner out and a movie at our apartment to celebrate. That day Chris was off and so we walked over to the local coffee shop and had Jesus and marriage time. It really was glorious. We sat down with our coffee & me with my pastries... at that time there was no moment without food (who am I kidding, that time is now as well) and Chris said something that I did not believe at the time. Megan, I think it's going to be today. He then told me that two of his good friends texted him that morning telling him that they were praying for him & us. Along with those friends, the woman who owned the coffee shop also talked to us when we got there about wondering when I was due and saying that she had dreamed about us the night before. To be honest, that was a little weird... but I guess ok as we were her first customers ever at her coffee shop. We made our way home and I started having contractions around 1:30. I layed in bed for awhile, not wanting to move. I started timing them and they lasted a little while but weren't consistent.

My mom came over around 5 and they continued to get more intense. We decided to drive to The Rock to have her birthday dinner. If you know where we live in comparison to the restaurant you would realize that this is ridiculous. It is super close... but I didn't think I could make it. I had contractions while at dinner and was timing them with my Iphone, having to look away as the waitress came because I was in so much pain. Leaving the restaurant I had to sit down on a bench while Chris got the car. They lasted through the movie at our apartment and as my mom left we promised to call if we went to the hospital.

It was 2:30 in the morning and for the last four hours I had gone to the bathroom so often to make the pain less intense that I was finally in too much pain to bear it. I told Chris and had him call the hospital. They had us come in but I wasn't dilated at all so they sent us home. That was SO frustrating as we didn't want to go home without our baby. They gave me medicine that was supposed to help me sleep. I took the medicine but for about three hours the contractions became worse and worse. No sleeping happened. We called again and told them how they had changed. By this point, I could barely stand and change my clothes. We had to stop on our way from the car to the elevator and I held on to Chris while in horrendous pain. They checked me out and I was dilated to a 5. Most of this time I do not even remember but I think that is God's way of loving me :). Because I was dilated to a 5 they told me we were going to have our baby! I was wheeled in to the labor and delivery room and I don't remember much of this either. I remember starting to have bad back labor and was so happy when the anesthesiologist came and gave me my epidural. It was a huge relief. I labored until 1:40 when my midwife told us we were dilated to a 9.9 and it was about time to start pushing. At 2:31 pm, Siena Joy was born!

The biggest thing I learned during this was how the Lord can carry us through anything. I was so anxious and worried about labor and birth, thinking that I was going to have a horror story to tell people about afterwards. God blessed my prayers and thoughts more than I ever imagined. He was with us every step of the way. The whole process wasn't easy but it was not like I'd imagined. I had a baby and my life was forever changed.

*These pictures are done by my amazing friend Heidi Dean.

The countdown begins...

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Here we are, with less than ten weeks (or maybe a little more) until our precious bundle arrives. It is crazy to think about all that will change and try to be ready for all that "unexpected" change as well, probably defeating the purpose of it being unexpected. We are so so so excited.

Well, I didn't blog about anything that happened in the last month because life was just too crazy. We almost bought a house. Keyword: almost... Our first year anniversary was on Sunday and it was a sweet day. We were ending vacation with the Knights and the Robaks on Lake Entiat. Driving home we decided to pop into Cashmere and see our friends Jesse and Megan. What a wonderful time that was. Talking about Jesus, babies, and fresh veggies out of the garden (YUM!). When we finally made it back home that day, we sat on our couch and talked finances. Looking at our budget and all the other things that have to do with money coming in and going out each month. We desperately want to live within our means because Jesus calls us to do that. In our conversation with Jesse and Meg, we talked about men in the bible. God really had them in a nomadic, take me wherever you want me to go, kind of an attitude. It is biblical to be ready to listen to his calling, obey, and go - even if go just means down the street or across town. Well, we finally heard him speaking clearly. Letting us know that buying this home would be over our heads. A lot of times I try to decipher what God's intentions are. If you aren't laughing at that, you should be. There is NO way, that we could understand the full purpose that God has for us in any given moment. But alas, I try.

With all that said, we are both so at peace. We are so united in our decision. We are following Jesus and his desire for us in this. Walking away from it was not easy. In fact, I have become so accustomed to design blogs, old home blogs, and renovation - that now I am having to redirect a lot of my mind's thoughts. A lot of people may say, you are only 23! You have so much time! Boy, do I agree with you. But each step of this process, we were praying and seeking to make the right decision. The amazing positives that have come out of this in our marriage are worth the whole process. I love how God unifies over the tough times. You really don't see it until it's gone.

Now, we are looking into many options. We have decided upon one. We will get into that later. But I am excited. There are little materialistic things in this decision that I am fighting myself on. And then, I think about the man at the park that I see every time I go. Opening up the garbage bins to find his daily meal. With that, I am disgusted with myself. He has no home. He has no food. He has no job. He has no family. I know my purpose - glorifying Jesus with my life. I have so many blessings - family, friends, food & a roof over my head. As an American, little inconveniences are the end of the world. But I want that to end. I want to stop being obsessed with materialism and money. God tells us that we cannot serve both God and money. I want to serve God. So I choose to not care about the little things & instead spend my time praying, reading his Word, and becoming more like him.


Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Today was fabulous! 90 degrees... some amazing women and kids from our wonderful church playing at the pool... a car that is going to cost WAY less than we thought to begin with :)... and HEADBANDS!

I found my crib bedding on etsy a couple of weeks ago and just totally fell in love. So when I was finally able to order them last week I kept peeking around at other sellers and their items for little girls. Something that I am so so so in love with for girls is headbands especially when they have giant flowers and rhinestones. Anyway... I came across someone selling them for really cheap (I'm talking cheap! I bought 1 headband at Nord for around $15 -with a flower and these without flowers were about $1 each!!!) and bought 8 different colors. They came today and I was super excited to open the package and touch the colors and the texture of the headbands... I cannot wait to put them on my little angel's tiny head.

Besides headbands, I am pretty much smitten with each and every little girly thing that I come across. Patience is definitely something that you learn when you are pregnant. There are so many things to wait expectantly for... but I am trying to trust the Lord in each area; big and small.

Goals before she arrives...

Friday, July 2, 2010

This morning is an overcast, rainy, mid 50s day in Renton... and I am loving every minute of it. Don't get me wrong, I love the sun. But waking up when my husband said, "Meg it's pouring," I got kind of excited. There is something about waking up in Western Washington to the drizzle and the cold on a "summer" day. It makes me stay inside and read, journal, and clean - which are three things that I really love to do. I might as well mention that I am also stuck inside because my beautiful vehicle is deciding not to work again, oh well, I just know I'm home-bound today and probably for another week. I've been thinking a lot about blogging lately and the purpose and point. If I can think of anything it would be to show people who Jesus really is. There are so many people out there who have been confused by a myriad of influences - and so I will continue writing. If anything I write brings glory to Him, then I thank him for creating this blog.

As I was reading a chapter in Praying God's Word by Beth Moore on my couch, I thought about the short time I have left before my sweet little one enters the world. There are some sweet moms that I've been chatting with lately who ALL tell me, "Take advantage of the time you have before she gets here!!" I was thinking, how do I know if I have "taken advantage" of the time? It sounds so good but I think by the time she comes and a few months after, I will probably be one of those moms telling the sweet pregnant women to take advantage of their time before their little one arrives. The question is.. how do I do that? I really need to have goals for my time if I am going to be productive and if I am actually going to do/change anything for good. Maybe that is just my personality... I don't know.

Goals before she arrives...

1. Read through entire bible using my year plan. If not entirely, mostly. It may be good to have a plan for reading when she does arrive. (Mind you- I am not venturing on this feat starting now, I started the bible in a year plan in January and am a few weeks behind half way. So, I am going to try to jumpstart it and finish faster :)

Deuteronomy 8:3 - And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.

2. Finish reading Praying God's Word by Beth Moore. I need scriptural attack towards the enemy & his accusations and my everyday sins. This book is incredible!

Hebrews 4:12 - For the word of the Lord is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

3. Journal again more frequently. I absolutely love looking back and reading through what the Lord has taken me through, and to be able to do that I have to WRITE!

4. Be much more intentional with my friends & family members, making sure that the people around me feel loved and cherished.

1 Corinthians 16:14 Let all that you do be done in love.

5. Be a better listener. Focus well on the person talking.

6. Figure out what the Lord expects of me as a stay at home wife/mom. I want to realize the responsibility, joy, and challenges of this new job the Lord is blessing me with.

Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

7. Become more organized and simplify. Go through each area of Chris and I's life and do just that: organize/simplify.

8. Be more bold in living genuinely for/ through Christ. Most people know I am a Christian, but do they know why, have I explained the basic truths to them & the amazing freedom, love, and grace from following Christ??

2Corinthians 3:12 Since we have such a hope, we are very bold.

9. Be more willing to take risks/ be adventurous/ be generous.

Ephesians 6:10-20 Finally be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and as for shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boudly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.

10. Pray. Be connected to the One who created me, knows me best, and loves me.

1Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

First Baby Movement!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

My wonderful husband had a beautiful banner hanging up in our kitchen congratulating me on being a wonderful mama. I know some of you think well... maybe next year? However, this baby is real and I am going through the months of its tiny little parts forming... so I think that saying I am a mama is a true statement.

THE coolest part of all of this is that yesterday I was really trying to concentrate on my body and see if I felt anything different... and I did. A teeny tiny movement. Today was a hard day at work so I spent the last hour in my dark room reading my new Real Simple. Ever since I have felt these little tiny movements that I have NEVER felt before... So they say that right around 17weeks and on it is possible to feel your baby... it is the most precious, insane thing I have ever felt!

This one is at 14 weeks and I really thought I was showing... HAHA

This one is just last night :) I think you can see a difference!

Here is the amazing sign!


Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Jesus, you call us to complete honesty with you. When I know something like that about you it is impossible to do anything else. I am tired and overwhelmed. I feel so incredibly blessed with everything you have given me. You are such an amazing and generous God. Every good and perfect gift comes from above. You have given me a wonderful husband that is striving to be more like you and lead our family well. I have an amazing piece of your church, these amazing friends who refuse to let us settle with our fleshy life. We are called out in an amazing graceful way to become more like you all the time. We have family and friends who support us and love is well. You have blessed us with this pregnancy. Wow. I feel like if anything else it is making me trust you more and more. I am not in charge of this tiny life inside of me. You are and you are THE sovereign God of the universe. I don't need to worry about every tiny little detail or about what mistake I could potentially make. I love that I can rest in that and I pray that I can through all of this no matter what happens. You also provide for all of our physical needs. You provide a place to live, food to eat, and you have provided a car for me that is safe and reliable. The thing about all of that is that I've seen you provide good gifts. You keep me safe with all of those things. You love me so much more than I understand and I pray that I get a deeper understanding as each day passes. Even through all of these life altering amazing blessings- I still am having a hard time being joyful. Knowing you have my life planned above what I could even imagine. These days of pregnancy make me so exhausted that praying and reading my bible is really hard. Lord give me strength to spend time with you. Not because I'm being religious but because I know that that is how our relationship is being strengthened. Lord help me in this time. Sustain me. Amen

Baby Knight Part 2

Saturday, April 3, 2010

So... I was told that you may want to hear the rest of the story. Chris and I have been going through a process of seeing the Lord's desire for our lives and seeing that translate into our own desires. We began this process in November and three months later decided that we really wanted a baby. This does not mean that we think we are by any means ready for a baby... I remember a time either right before or after Chris and I got engaged. We were talking to Darren about how we are supposed to "know" when we are ready for marriage. He looked at us and said, "You are never ready for marriage." Jesus shows us humbleness when we realize we will never be ready or have arrived at the place of being a perfect spouse or in this case a perfect parent. Well, for the Knights... it didn't take long for this to happen. I think we decided to try to get pregnant and we were basically the next week. I had been feeling sick for about two weeks. One example of this was driving to work one morning I got an overwhelming feeling that I was going to throw up. I had to completely turn off the music, turn off the heat, and drive with a hand over my face on the freeway. Praise Jesus that I didn't actually throw up all over my clothes...

The night of our 6month anniversary came around the corner and I got off work and decided to go on a 5 mile run. Chris and I were meeting in Bellevue for dinner so I had just enough time to run and come back and shower. I got home though and had a conversation with Christina about things that were going on and I finally brought up how I was feeling. She said, "Megs... just take the test!" So I did. I have never been so anxious in my life. I was waiting and waiting. I'm going to be completely honest here. At that moment I was wondering are we ready for this, do I want this, YES I want this, are you sure you want this... knowing that if there weren't two lines I would be sad. But... THERE WERE TWO LINES! I didn't know what to do with myself... I showered, got dressed, put make up on... all in about 8mins. I was like a giddy 7th grader who liked her first boy. I drove up to Bellevue after putting the pregnancy test in a plastic baggie & into my purse. Chris got to the restaurant and had a gift for me. I told him that I had a gift for him too. He had me open mine, which was amazing! Then I pulled his out and he looked at me shocked. Is this real....??? Yes! The comical thing in the story is that the lines were quite faint (something that I have read is actually normal). So we got home and he made me go to target and buy a different brand of test which turned out to be positive but the faint lines were still there. I did get a pregnancy test at the doctor (positive) and blood work (positive) and an ultrasound (little Baby Knight's heartbeat:)

The whole thing is crazy! We are so excited. Really really excited. But occasionally it is hard to be really excited. Now more than ever I have heard everyone's opinion on everything. The thing is... I do care about people's opinions but when they are so negative, it makes it hard to be happy. I am really asking the Lord for patience and peace with our decisions. It does get hard to hear certain comments about how early we are doing this, the validity of the pregnancy, what we are choosing for me to do after the baby is born etc... But the thing that I am realizing: My identity is in the Lord. No one else. We have prayed and asked for guidance and are feeling really secure in our decisions for our family & that is EXCITING!

Baby Knight!

Monday, March 29, 2010

We are almost to 11 weeks! Wow! Thank you Jesus. I am so excited that I can share what is going on in our lives and the wonderful and amazing gift we are experiencing. We found out about 7weeks ago... which seems crazy! That is almost 2 months! I am ready for the first trimester to be over... not as much tiredness and nausea I hear, which makes me want to shout for joy! I am so excited to start posting about how things are going and the steps along the way this incredible journey. Two weeks ago we were able to hear the heart beat at the first appointment. Both Chris and I were so moved, the smile couldn't have been ripped off of his face! What a miracle of the Lord to have a living human being growing inside of you!!! There is much much much more to this story, so let me know if you want the rest!

days off

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Days off are... glorious. It is sunny outside, my washing machine is chugging along, and I get to wear sweats as long as I want. I absolutely love being home and doing mundane household tasks. Dishes, laundry, cleaning etc etc... I can read my bible whenever I want, read other books too, go grocery shopping, and plan my week of school. Peaceful days like these are glimpses of heaven. Although I'm pretty sure I don't have to do laundry there :).

Help me to be productive on days off. Help my mind to be saturated with you and help every thought in my head to be captive to you. I pray for trust. That in every area of my life I am leaning in on and trusting you. I love you Jesus and thank you for all the amazing people I have in my life!
~your daughter

90something cupcakes

Monday, February 15, 2010

On Friday, my class had our Valentines Day party. There was more sugar than I have ever seen in one room. At one point I counted and there were something that 96 cupcakes... ABSURD! You may ask... did you make sure that specific parents were going to buy specific things? YES! I did! But somehow we ended up with 90something cupcakes and by the end of the day I had put two on each child's plate and two in an extra baggie for them to take home. Nevertheless, that day was one of the hardest in teaching. They were on so much sugar I was glad to see them go. The 90something cupcakes was the funniest thing that day but something happened that truly touched my heart. One of my students had a quiet excitement all day and would hint that he had something for me. I told him I was very excited and that he would have to wait for the end of the day at the party. It finally came that time and he brought me over an oddly shaped package. He really wanted me to open it right then so I began to rip away the wrapping paper and I started to find something crimson... What in the world, I began to ask myself. I completely took the paper off and found a WSU pullover fleece hoody. Wow! It was unbelievable, I told him that I really wanted to talk to his mom about it after school and to thank her for the gift. After school I walked over to his sweet mom and told her how much I loved the gift. She began to tell me that her son had come home one day from school and told her how much I loved the cougars. He told his mom how much he wanted to get me something that I loved. Well, they don't have much money and so I imagine she probably told him no. He began to tell her that he would give up all of his hamburgers and pizza if he could just get me this hoody. Wow... It doesn't sound like a lot, but this is a seven year old child giving up what he cherishes and probably doesn't get very often to love his teacher.

I can totally learn from my first graders, they teach me just as much as I teach them. What an amazing example of giving good gifts. Jesus gives us the best gifts and we are to emulate that. I am so tempted to give people gifts that are convenient for me but to truly give a gift you need to sacrifice something of your own...

His Name is Exalted

Saturday, January 30, 2010

The Lord Is My Strength and Song
You will say in that day:
"I will give thanks to you, O Lord,
for though you were angry with me,
your anger turned away,
that you might comfort me.

Behold, God is my salvation;
I will trust, and will not be afraid;
for the Lord God is my strength and my song,
and he has become my salvation.

With joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.
And you will say in that day:

Give thanks to the Lord,
call upon his name,
make known his deeds among the peoples,
proclaim that his name is exalted.

Sing praises to the Lord,
for he has done gloriously;
let this be made known in all the earth,
Shout, and sing for joy, O inhabitant of Zion,
for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel.
~Isaiah 12:1-4

Reading this last night, I realized that what he is saying is very true. God was angry with me! My sin angers him, and it should. But that isn't the final statement. He knows how sinful I am and he looked on me and changed that anger into comfort. Jesus is the propitiation, the reconciliation between myself and the Almighty God. Because of Jesus, I am able to have a relationship with the one who created this insanely beautiful earth and who created each of us. It truly is unbelievable! Jesus is my strength and my song... without trusting in him I become an anxious, fearful, scared little girl. But through him I can be a trusting, victorious, liberated WOMAN! Because of this, I have to make known his deeds, I have to thank him for what he has done, and I have to exalt his name to the people.

1) He has been drawing my dad nearer to himself. Jesus is THE only hope for turning that & all life around.
2)He has drawn Chris and I closer to himself and each other. We are ready for crazy, adventurous life through Jesus. Every day we have been given another little glimpse into it. It's so sweet!
3)I have joy going into my classroom now... HALLELUJAH!
4)We are about 5 days from being members at Mars Hill Church, where the bible is preached & my heart is being utterly transformed!
5)We have awesome community through our church. It is an incredible gift to live life with these people... you know who you are!
6)We are healthy... I completely take for granted the fact that my husband, family, and I are for the most part completely healthy in all ways. I am reminded of this when I look at these two people... who are either victoriously praising Christ through their battle or have a family that is...

I praise you Jesus.


Monday, January 25, 2010

I love these people, these places, and these amazing blessings from the Lord. You can see my cat turns into a tiger at times, my new family is energetically bringing in the New Year, my husband is delving into every book he can find on theology, doctrine, and pastoring, and we are having fun hanging out with our friends (missing pictures of the Lantings though... we see them so much we haven't broken out the camera). What a crazy beginning to a year... and what crazy things are going to happen ;)

This is YOUR day

Saturday, January 23, 2010

It's 8:05 on Saturday morning, and to tell you the truth the only real reason I am awake is because my lovely husband is going to attend a men's training event. He has drive this morning, I don't really. So I was thinking about my day and I started thinking about how I introduce the calendar to my six year olds. Today is Saturday, January 23rd, 2010. Today is Saturday, January 23rd, 2010. Over and over we say this simple phrase to help prepare them to understand the world through a calendar. Some of them totally get it already but some aren't ready to say it on their own yet. Lately I've been realizing how much the calendar affects my life. I always want the next event, the next weekend, the next stage or season in my life. It has been sort of debilitating towards allowing me to fully experience life. Each day is such a gift and I bring it down to mere events and things to check off my list. One thing I need to continue to ask Jesus, what is YOUR plan for this day. Where do I need to be more careful to listen to your voice, take opportunities to show you to others, or even be more passionate in what I do. It's a hard thing to do, but how much more could my life impact others for Jesus, my days be more enlivened, and my heart be more secure in my Father in Heaven.

I AM free, happy, and liberated.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


Thank you for hope. Thank you for pursuing my Dad even when I feel like it is hopeless. You are the hope Lord, you are sovereign. Thank you for using Pastor Mark's words to impact my family's lives. Thank you for using death, bad, and ugliness in the world to bring ultimate life to people, grace, hope, and healing. I pray that you would continue to do amazing things... things we would never be able to imagine.


Today's sermon was INSANE. I have been quietly, subconsciously waiting for the day that Mark would preach on Jesus being tempted by the devil (whose name does not deserve capitalization). I was curious how it would pan out and what I would learn. This past year has been one of the hardest I have ever had and I couldn't wait to really think and dwell upon the way that Jesus perfectly responded to the devil's lies. I feel like I learned so much this morning. I know that I can read scripture and that the Holy Spirit can reveal things to me. But today, I am especially thankful for those that Jesus teaches with exactly the right words to reach into my soul and twist and turn until I really and truly understand certain concepts that are really prevalent in my heart.

The sermon came out of Luke 4:1-13; Jesus without sin.
Satan is the ultimate liar, deceiver, and tempter. We do not have a God who cannot sympathize with our tempation, he was tempted for 40 days in the wilderness! How amazing is that... In these 13 verses the main thing that Satan does is attack Jesus' identity. He uses phrases like IF you are the son of God... etc. The most helpful part for me in this time is knowing that Jesus was tempted to believe satan's lies just like I am. However, he never once gave in and I have millions of times. I hear those attacks on my identity and begin to dwell and let myself suffer in those thoughts. This is what I say: ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sick of his dirty, dishonest, sickening lies that creap into my each and every day. I have a new identity in Christ... and I do not need to dwell upon these anymore.
1. Satan is a real enemy.
2. Satan will H.I.T. you (Hungry, Isolated, Tired)
3. Jesus Christ is your victorious Warrior King
4. The Holy Spirit is your power
5. Biblical truth is your counterpunch
6. Christ is your Identity
7. Escape is always possible
8. Satan eventually taps out
9. Repent when you tap out and fight another round
10. Life is a battle with many rounds.The hope: Knowing, TRULY knowing scripture; it is our only true spritual authority on satan. So, I need to prepare myself for war & that is what I am going to do. Know the Word, Know Jesus, Know how to defeat the enemy for the glory of my Father in Heaven.

I AM free, happy, and liberated.

a PRAYER for faith

Saturday, January 16, 2010


You are my ultimate provider. I am so blessed for so many many things: to be living where I am, having a closet full of clothes to wear, a pantry full of food, hot water, heat, my family is alive, a job, amazing friends, a healthy body, and a country that is plush and posh. Ugh. That is what I feel at this moment Jesus. I pray that the Holy Spirit would be interpreting my internal groanings and making it known to you, the condition of my heart and soul in this time of immense suffering. I am so troubled and distraught by the condition of our world- the enormous grief going on inside Haiti. It makes me sick. Jesus, help those babies that I desperately want to grab, pray for, love, and hold on tight to. I pray that you would someday bring my prayers to fruition, help me to be able to nurture and love an orphaned child someday Jesus. Please give those babies hope, love, and nourishment. I pray for Pastor Mark and Pastor James as they go to Haiti to try to love on the people, bring supplies, and bring relief to the church. I pray for their funds, their transportation, their ministry. I pray for the Christians in Haiti, that they would be bold with the Gospel, the Good News of Jesus. I pray for my own heart, that I wouldn't be overcome with wordliness as I see new jeans and materialism, as I am so easily sucked in to that way of life. Please help me Jesus. Help me to be a prayer warrior for the people. Please help those people to stay alive as they are trapped underneath piles of rubble. Show the rescuers where they are and help them locate those precious lives. I pray for the stability of the buildings Lord, show the people when they need to leave and get out of unsafe situations. Lord Jesus, be the center of the relief work and aid in their country. I pray that hundreds of thousands come to know you because of this. Help people to be moved to put forth money and time to help the country and the people to become stablized. I pray for my Dad's heart. So incredibly affected by sweet Molly Hightowers life and death, that he was put to tears yesterday. I pray that when we go to church tomorrow that his life would be radically altered for the Gospel. He needs you as his savior, please Lord, run smack dab into that stubborn man. He needs change and he needs you. I pray Lord for all the people around the world who are feeling like I am; hopeless and deeply despaired for the people of the country and the loss of lives that we have experienced. Please help us to be joyful even in trial. You command us to that; help us to live it out. Help us to be bold with sharing you with others. Please help us to put YOU at the center of our lives.


Coming back to the blogger :)

The Lord has truly blessed us over the last few months. He is using our relationship to grow us closer to himself, to know what love is, and to create in us better communicators, better friends, and better spouses. Our wedding was an amazing day, the honeymoon was great- full of interesting stories we would love to share!, and our apartment is a great place of rest and peace, it really feels like home. A month into the school year I was hired in the Federal Way School District to teach first grade. It has been an intense challenge but I absolutely love my job and the children that I can be a positive influence on and a quiet but prayerful and bright light for Christ. We have definitely experienced trials in the last three months, and will continue to as Jesus did, but we are trying to walk each step with our Lord and Savior and watch as he leads us. He has also given us an amazing church - the body has been such a blessing in our lives as individuals and as a couple. We both had such strong community at WSU that we really felt a deep hole when we first moved back to the west side. He has filled that hole with amazing friends that have prayed for us, been there for us in times of need, and served along side us in different areas. It has been a great time of watching the Lord work and we are excited to be able to share as he continues to take us on an amazing journey together!