Surpass

There is a peace that surpasses all understanding. It protects your heart, guides your thoughts, and enables freedom. It draws you away from yourself and your own desires and into the perfect plan of the Father. Today, I have experienced this peace unlike any other time in my life.

Today I found out that I miscarried after six and a half weeks of pregnancy. I spent a few hours in the Emergency Room after getting some advice from a doctor. Circumstantially it should have been quite a cruddy day. I was experiencing the first regular signs of miscarriage for about the last 24 hours, lots of abdominal cramping, swelling, being poked and prodded multiple times for an IV, two ultrasounds, hospital smells, tests, and shots.

I won't lie and say that these last two days have been fun. But I will tell you about the peace I am experiencing and where it comes from.

It isn't coincidence that this week I had been meditating on Psalm 34. It is full of exactly what I needed in these moments and I turned to it quite a bit. If you've read it and remember you will know what I am talking about.

I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
and let us exalt his name together!
I sought the LORD, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.
Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
The face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The LORD redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

(Psalm 34 ESV)

I LOVE THIS! I could sit in one of those verses for days. Even though this is hard, hurts (emotionally and physically), and doesn't feel fun I am experiencing what that first verse says. Bless the Lord at ALL times. He will deliver me from my fears, he will not let me be ashamed, he will be near to me, he will save me, he will deliver me, and he redeems me. That is where the peace lies. In Jesus. Only in Jesus. In his life and it's perfection, in his death and how it saves us, and in his resurrection showing that he can't be held by death - we are given peace, knowing that HE accomplished it all because we can't. We can't do anything but HE does everything.

Can I get a HALLELUJAH!?

Not only has this strengthened my faith but it has strengthened my marriage. My husband has served me selflessly in these last two days. He has done everything for Siena and I, been so loving and has relied on the Lord. Right now he is memorizing the book of Philippians. He has been speaking it to me all day long. I don't find this a coincidence either.

What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.
Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
(Philippians 1:18-21 ESV)

Obedience.

On March 21st, Chris received an email from our good friend, who is also the Children's Director at our church. This email stated that internships were changing (Chris was currently an intern in Children's Ministry) and that we needed to pray about whether or not we wanted to accept the new internship which included things like more hours and more training among other things.

We prayed and both felt the Lord pulling us in the direction of accepting the new internship. This meant a few things for our family. Part time work for the Church. Part time work for Chris' current job as he basically would demote himself to a lower position to continue to provide for our family. This also meant trying to find a family to house us for this season so as not to put an unnecessary burden upon Chris to work more than he should (a recommendation for anyone accepting these new internships).

A little back story. Since we met, Chris and I have both felt that obedience would look a little crazy for us in the eye of the typical person. We felt that the Lord would call us to do some pretty abnormal things for the gospel. It makes sense doesn't it? Jesus did a pretty abnormal thing, in laying his life at the cross, paying our penalty for our sin? In light of that crazy, amazing, act of a blessing - our lives should imitate his and be abnormally different to share the good news of a savior with the world. Right? Right. Because we knew that the desire had been placed in both of us, we were prayerfully considering every opportunity that came our way since being married. At the end of last year, a few came up, but I didn't feel peace about any of them. So we continued to pray and wait.

After we prayed, talked, and decided that we would accept the internship more began to change. The Lord began tugging at my heart to raise funds for this season. He helped me remember my previous three stints in raising support and how his name was glorified and how he provided every penny that I needed. The next day another one of our friends mentioned Great Commission Ministries and how we should consider raising money through them. Then we received more news to pray about.

We were asked to pray through accepting a full time unpaid staff position for our church. We prayed and talked and decided. It was so peaceful. Is raising your salary 100% peaceful? Is moving two times into two different families homes 100% peaceful? Is quitting your job that is providing money for your family 100% peaceful? Is telling your family and friends of this crazy opportunity 100% peaceful? In the world's standards? No. It's not. But it has been! Gloriously peaceful. Every decision that we've made has been laced with Jesus' peace and for that I am SO grateful. I know this is his plan. His will. His timing.

Of course, you may have questions. That makes sense. We want to answer them the best we can. But we don't know everything. Just like four months ago we had no idea that any of this would be happening. But the Lord slowly revealed it and it is good. So, if you have questions please, please ask. If you need clarification - I will do my best! And, if you support the gospel going out and want to support us you can go here and type in Chris Knight. But truly, we covet your prayers for Jesus to do work to allow us to work and serve him.

Here is the letter that we sent our a few days ago.

I'm grateful to be able to finally fill you in on the details.

We are SO encouraged, SO excited, SO ready to continue to be obedient to the call on our lives.

Happy 4th!

Well, the Knight family is almost off to a small town in Eastern Washington for the 4th. Chris' family has a cabin there and truly it is a very small town. But, the biggest weekend for them is the 4th. Somehow people found out about the little city on two small lakes and love to come over for this holiday weekend.

There will be a little coffee shop and I think they have wireless... so I may be updating my blog while I'm away. But if not, I will surely be taking photos so you can experience the part of Washington many people prefer to stay away from ;).

I hope that y'all (because Jessi gave me permission!) enjoy freedom, family, and food this weekend!

8 months!

dear siena,

hi baby doll. you are a light in my life that gets brighter every day.

i am beyond thankful for your bright blue eyes and your chubby little baby legs.
you are now eight months old and i cannot believe it. you're beautiful. stunning actually. with huge eyes just like your mama.

you sit up all by yourself. you get up on all fours and rock back and forth. you want to crawl! you eat tons of food. you just cut your second tooth but really the first because the other one went back.

i love you. SO much.

you gave me the sweetest gift this month. i mean - THE sweetest. you hug me now. i pick you up and you cuddle your little body against mine. you snuggle your head into my shoulder. it lights up my world. it doesn't matter what i need to do. i would sit there with you like that for hours. sometimes you do it for a few minutes. ah. i love it.

you love your baby doll. you get excited to hold her. someday you will make a great mama.

you love kitty cats. especially james dean. you love his fur and you laugh when he walks by you. you drag your little fingers against his fur and get so excited.

your little face lights up when your daddy gets home and sings you your favorite tune.
siena joy - we love you sweetie pie. even when you cut teeth and are miserable.
love you so.
mama

oh hey. it's me.

So, a few things.

1. We sold some of our furniture. This included our TV stand. We unplugged all the internet cables & then couldn't put them back together to restore our internet.
2. #1 resulted in #2 which is not blogging all week. For this I am sorry.
3. We moved today. Wow. Let me just tell you... There is a TON going on in our lives. I will share as I can and right now I really can't say much except that we moved. Our lease is up on Wednesday but 99.9% of our stuff is out of the house. We are being hosted by amazing friends of ours that we love and are excited to spend more quality time with.

4. Oh and we move again in 5 weeks. To another family's house that we love. Isn't this interesting story getting more interesting by the moment? Just wait for the juicy details that will ensue, I am excited.

5. We are trying out the all three sleep in one room tonight for the first time in four months, say a little prayer, won't you?

6. We have been doing a lot of these things that we've never done before...

Taking a liking to our paci!

Sitting up all by ourself (in the sweater Grandma Jean made)!

Holding our own bottle!

Miss you,

Blurry.

Although this picture is blurry. & taken with my iPhone. It has so much meaning to me. My little one got on her knees and started rocking back and forth. She loves taking steps when we hold her hands and walks all around. BUT this was all by herself and it shocked me! We have hard wood floors so I barely ever (unless I move the coffee table so she can lay on the rug) let her down on the ground. We play on my bed and at other people's houses on their carpeted floors. & to admit that I was the one excited for the hardwood floors. Oh well. We are moving soon. Like in 12 days. Oh yeah and then again three weeks later.



That was a much easier way to tell all of you that our lives are soon changing drastically!
More details to come in the coming days, weeks, and months.

Because of Him,

It's been awhile

since I've been around these parts. Well, a week to be exact. I was on my blog a week ago & felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to stay off my blog for a week. I think I may have a little of an addictive personality when I am only listening to my flesh and not yielding myself to the Holy Spirit.

So, when I hear his voice loud and clear about something I know it is for my good to listen.

A few days into the little blog purge, I realized something. I don't usually partake in lent - I feel like I need to focus on Jesus every day and when he shows me that something has become an idol in my life, it doesn't matter what time of the year it is, I need to stop, think, pray, and re-organize my life. But without knowing it, it was like a little version of lent right in my heart. He told me I was too obsessed. He told me I cared too much. He told me to look away for awhile.

And I did. And it was great. It freed up SO much time. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the blog world that I have found myself in. I love my google reader and the way it keeps me up to date.

But if it is causing you to

a) Care less about your home

b) Spend less time with your children

c) Spend less time in prayer

d) Spend less time with your Savior

e) Forget about things in "real" world

f) Make you feel as if you are right back in the midst of the high school popularity contest

or a million other things...

Then I have to tell you sister. Stop. Take a BREAK. Make your husband's coffee & breakfast. And maybe even lunch. Meal plan for your family. Throw some laundry in the wash. Clean your bathroom. Change your sheets. Play with your baby. Kiss your husband. Get in a quiet place and CRY OUT to God for the people in your life who don't know him. Open up scripture & ask the Holy Spirit to change your heart and understand it and what it means for YOU.

I love you. I don't want you to be my walking partner down the trail of that.

Lets remember to GLORIFY him in everything. Even the amount of time that we spend doing this sweet thing he has given us.

Oh, and since I have been on here in awhile... check out these two posts! This one is a post that our church had us write when we were installed as deacons. This sweet one is our pictures taken by the lovely Jhen when we were in Cali a few weeks back. Enjoy!

Today.

Today was a day of service.
(Chris & I were installed today as deacons at MH Bellevue. More on that later! It was so sweet.)
Today was a day of fellowship.
(We spent the night at the Cs last night. This morning was a little glimpse of how life will soon be. I love it.)
Today was a day of seeing the Lord work.
(I didn't think my dad would come see us installed. He did. Praise the Lord. I am so glad. My brother surprised me too. Thank you Jesus.)
Today was a day of friends.
(A LOT of our amazing friends from our community came to watch us get installed. Chris and I are leading the children's ministry at our overflow campus right now until the fall. We aren't able to see most of our community on Sunday mornings anymore - which is sad... but only for a season. That made today really sweet. The Ds treated us to a special ice cream date at ColdStone. Thanks Ds. Then the Ls came over. Missed them a lot & glad I got to spend some time with them.)
Today was a day of sleepiness.
(While staying at the Cs, Siena screamd her head off for a half hour at midnight and then for 15 minutes at 4. I heard it all. I prayed the entire time that the Cs wouldn't hear it. & they didn't. Praise You Jesus. Thank you. But still, we went to bed at 11:45 and got up at 6:45 with those boughts of crying in between.... Nevertheless, I am ready for bed. Now.)

My sweet mama gave this to me and I have been meaning to type it up for all you mamas out there. Be encouraged. Have hope. This is my life; many days & I imagine yours as well.

1 Corinthians 13 for Mothers.

If I keep my house immaculately clean, and am envied by all for my interior decorating, but do not show love in my family - I'm just another housewife.

If I'm always producing lovely things - sewing, art; if I always look attractive, and speak intelligently, but am not loving to my family - I am nothing.

If I'm busy in community affairs, teach Sunday School, and drive in the carpool, but fail to give adequate love to my family - I gain nothing.

Love changes diapers, cleans up messes, and ties shoes - over and over again.

Love is kind, though tired and frazzled.

Love doesn't envy another woman - one whose children are "spaced" better, or in school so she has time to pursue her own interests.

Love doesn't try to impress others with my abilities or knowledge as a mother.

Love doesn't scream at the kids.

Love doesn't feel cheated because I didn't get to do what I wanted to do today - sew, read, soak in a hot tub.

Love doesn't lose my temper easily.

Love doesn't assume that my children are being naughty just because their nose level is irritating.

Love doesn't rejoice when other people's children misbehave and make mine look good. Love is genuinely happy when others are honored by their children.

i do love you,

real knight life.

Today I want to share with you some of the real knight life. I've been doing so many posts in bullet format... I just haven't had the time or energy to pour myself into any good writing. I've just been struggling lately to find a balance. To not get wrapped up in blogs, posts, and followers. To remember my purpose in starting this blog.

To show others Jesus through my life and writing.

If I'm not doing that, I don't want to write another post.

So every day I follow the Holy Spirit's directing of my day and time. If that doesn't entail writing a post, then my sweet little blog will have to wait. And yesterday and today it did just that.

But life was so sweet. I learned about bitterness. I woke up with a bad attitude and a bitter and hard heart toward my husband. It came out of nowhere. Divinely, my new bible study was on Hannah and the bitterness she dealt with over never conceiving a child. My heart was changed in a matter of minutes and by the time Chris got back from coffee, my heart was ready to beg for forgiveness. What a sweet time of reconciliation and conversation.

I spent the rest of the day laughing with my parents and brother at my sweet baby girl.

By the time we got picked up from CK it was time to feed Siena solids for the first time! I cannot wait to show you the video. It is amazing. Tomorrow it will come or the day after ;).

Then the day ended with another sweet picture involving my little girl. I was nursing and rocking her to sleep and her hand was resting on mine. She kept moving her little hand back and forth. It was so sweet. In that moment I felt more tenderness and love than I ever had. In that moment I felt what I know God feels toward us. He loves us with the most tender love. So many times our thougts on how he views us are skewed. I pray that our perspective be redeemed today.

We are.

-safely home (THANK YOU for your prayers!)
-ready for a good nights rest
-eating mac and cheese for dinner because our ricotta & spinach pasta had mold on it (that's what you get for leaving for a week!)
-listening to our heater chuggin along who's airplane-esque noise used to bother me and now the sound is quite familiar & homey after three flights today
-excited for our Disneyland trip after seeing so many families coming home from the Happiest Place on Earth dressed in head to toe Mickey garb
-already missing the familiar sounds of Selah Gracie saying, "Oh MY goodness," and laughter during the fun time after the kids were in bed
-loving the fresh smell of good 'ol rainy Seattle
-happy that we got to fly over Yosemite & the Space Needle all in one day
-looking forward to snuggling in our bed tonight - yes we sleep in a full so this really was a vacation with the large queen size bed.

& with that, CK will be home soon from the store with a few groceries. We are going to snuggle up, eat mac and cheese, and go to bed by 9:15. Can't wait to fill you in on our wonderful vacation!

Good Knight!