We are

Sunday, August 12, 2012

This week Chris and our pastor Jake went on campus to pray, meet up with some students, and plan the next few weeks. When they got back Jake asked how I was doing and I shared a few things going on in my life. Jake then piece by piece shared with me this diagram. 
He told me that all humans are interpreters of our circumstances and the things that are happening around us. We can either believe the truth about God and us (information that we learn from God's word) or we can believe lies about God and us (that the world, the devil, or that we tell ourselves). The middle part of the diagram shows that all humans are worshippers. If we believe the truth about God and us then we will worship and love God. But if we believe lies about God and us then we worship idols (fake God such as food, our bodies, alcohol, drugs, anything in life). We are also responders to what we interpret and worship. If we worship God then we will have godly behavior and godly emotions. If we worship false gods then we will have negative behavior and negative emotions. What he told me at the end was that circumstances don't determine Christians behavior and joy. Christ determines our behavior and our joy. What are we believing in each circumstance? 

I had a moment to learn directly about what I would believe this weekend on a drive back from the San Diego Zoo Safari Park. Through Siena's infancy I struggled with having severe anxiety and anger when she would cry non stop. My child is a fighter. For the first year she would cry for an hour in the car without stopping. Add to the list sleep training, trying not to nap, and refusing to fall asleep at night - this little lady will cry a lot. What's funny is she is actually and always has been a great sleeper- we've just had to teach her, train her, and remind her who knows what's best for her. And that she needs sleep... Lots of it!

I think I've thought I'm over the whole anxious, angry attitude toward her. But what I was taught is that when I hear her cry it frustrates me that I can't control her or stop her from crying; even now. I now see this whole thing as Gods grace on my life. I realize now that I was believing lies about God and about us. That God wasn't good if he didn't stop her from crying. That God wasn't in control so I needed to be. That I couldn't have peace in all circumstances. That I didn't love Siena if she continued to cry. That I couldn't possibly be a loving mama to a crying baby. ALL LIES!

In the midst of her screaming today, I thought why am I getting so frustrated? What is the truth about God? He loves Siena, Chris, and I so much- even if Siena doesn't stop- his love wont fail me. Who is in control? God is! I'm not. Trying to control her in my anxious state while saying a million short prayers hoping she'll sleep.. Won't stop her from crying. God may want to teach me something through her unending crying.

These are some things I think I am really learning today:
1. Circumstance doesn't dictate my joy.
2. God is in control.
3. Anger and anxiety are both bad gods/idolas. They won't satisfy me. But Jesus will.

God has been teaching me so much about my relationship with him through my relationship with Siena lately. I have to be taught, trained, and reminded by him constantly; just as Siena has to be taught, trained, and reminded by us. This in turn has given me more patience and grace with her and more patience and grace when I sin as well.

I decided in the midst of her crying that I wouldn't choose to believe lies if she continued to cry. Instead I said, I will praise you Jesus either way. This time, he blessed me by having her stop, which also enabled me to write this post on my iPhone.

Will you fight along with me to believe the truth about God and us? Truth that the bible teaches? I hope you will and I'm excited to worship him with you and stand in awe as our actions look more and more like his because of him!

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