lift up your eyes.

In one of his books, CS Lewis talks about how so often we are content with swimming in a mud puddle when God has a huge ocean ready for our enjoyment. We become fine with sin and icky, muddy waters when we can have clear, Jesus filled, beautiful blue water to enjoy.

I had an experience this weekend that really made me think of this verse. My mom lovingly took Siena (while teething!) on Friday night so that Chris and I could go to an event without her. The next morning we got to sleep in (8:30 - really sleeping in for us!), grabbed McDonalds for breakfast (which he NEVER gives in to!) and then headed over to North Bend to little Mt. Si for a morning hike.

We were about fifteen minutes into the hike when I told Chris to stop. I had realized something. Below my feet was wet, muddy, slippery, rock filled trails. When I was no longer concerned with tripping into the ick, I looked up and was struck by the glorious sight. We were in a beautiful forest. The green of the trees was so bright and the rain coming down made everything so fresh. I was so worried about taking the right step that for the first part of the hike I didn't even look at where we were headed. If I had continued that way for the entire hike I never would have taken in God's creation and the moment that he created for me to take it all in.

When I think about my life, it is a little like this trail. I get too focused on the mucky, dirty, bumpy trail. The hardships and the sin get overwhelming and that is all that I can concentrate on.

But when you lift up your eyes.
My, it's a pretty sight.

Jesus is glorious. Even more glorious than those trees. His scripture is life-giving like the oxygen that comes from the leaves. His presence is fresh and new each time you meet with him.

Why do we keep our eyes on the deep depravity of sin when we can lift our eyes and gaze upon the rich beauty of our Lord?

This is my goal.

My Mama.

My mama is a beautiful woman inside and out. She is the most selfless woman I have ever known. My mama delights in her children and each new thing that we have accomplished. There truly are not enough words to describe her and I don't think that anything I could say would do her justice.

My mama gave me life.

(The top left picture is of myself, my mom, my grandma,

and my great-grandma)

She played a huge part in giving me temporal life here on earth.

She played a huge part in giving me eternal life in heaven.

There isn't a better gift that she could have given me. She was the biggest influence on my meeting the Lord & loving the Lord. I am so thankful that the Lord placed her to be my mama and to bring me to himself.

Her walk with the Lord has an eternal impact.

Her morning bible reading has an eternal impact.

Her daily prayer has an eternal impact.

Her selfless love has an eternal impact.

Her willingness to share the gospel has an eternal impact.

Her faithfulness in a church body has an eternal impact.

& I am eternally grateful.

earplugs.

You probably will think this is really strange. But it's basically survival mode turned daily routine. When we were living with my in laws for the first two months of Siena's life our little "suite" was on the main floor of the house. So, when I was exhausted and my 17 year old brother in law was watching Cougar basketball I could not sleep. He is THE Cougnumberonefan. My father in law had the idea to grab me a pair of ear plugs and see if that worked any wonders.

Truly, I say thank you Jesus for ear plugs.

Well, ever since... I have used them for all or part of the night. With a young baby you ask??? Yes. I know. My mom also thinks it is very strange. I just feel at peace with Siena's life and these little plugs have helped me get some much needed rest. So, when we moved into this house and our lovely neighbor's owned a rooster with a very messed up internal clock (meaning he goes off from 3am-4pm & is going off right now at 9:19am) my little friends came in VERY handy.

Not only have they helped me sleep, they have also given the hubster and I a few laughs together. I couldn't find one of my favorite pair for days. This was extremely frustrating to say the least. I went out into the living room one day and the other one was sitting there. I got so excited and told Chris, "Yay!!! I found my other ear plug!" We laughed and laughed at how excited I was.

It seems like it has been forever since I last posted. Life has just been busy and yesterday I was sick all day with the flu. Very icky stuff. This weekend was supposed to be filled with three birthday parties and lots of fun stuff. Now I am just queasy and tired and won't be going anywhere today. Oh well, God's plan is better than mine.

loveyou.



Cindy,

You were born on October 17th, 2010 at 2:31 in the afternoon. That time was so easy to remember because I was born at 2:32pm. We are one minute and a whole bunch of years apart. I was pretty nervous going to the hospital because I wasn't sure what to expect. But the whole thing was an amazing experience. Jesus was there for us the whole time and helped me to relax and get excited to meet you. The entire lobby was packed out with people to meet you when you arrived. Family and friends who are like family... It was amazing. Miss Heidi was in the delivery room to take sweet pictures of you when you were born. Grammie was there too to support me and of course daddy was too. Our midwife was amazing. A midwife is a person that specializes in labor and delivery. Her name was Debra and she went to Mars Hill and was such a support and help. We also had amazing nurses and one in particular, Kimmie, was a Christian too and so sweet. Debra asked daddy if he wanted to deliver you and he surprised me by saying yes. So the first person who held you was your sweet daddy. We stayed at the hospital for one night and then went to Papa and Grandma's house. I was very tired, sore, and a little stressed. Taking care of a little, precious bundle was a new job for me! You ate every two hours all day long for the first four weeks of your life. You and I would get up in the middle of the night and go into this special little room that Papa and Grandma set up for us. It had your changing table and a rocking chair. I would change your diaper every time (I didn't want it to be the reason you woke up) while you screamed very loud. Then I would nurse you and rock you until you fell asleep. Many many times you would spit up so much after eating that I would have to change you and swaddle you again when you were sleepy. This would wake you up so it would take about an hour to put you back to sleep. Thank you Jesus for my iPhone. I used it a lot in the wee hours of the morning to pass the time. If only I knew how short that time was. Daddy finally taught me how to put you to sleep more quickly. We would hold you upright on our chest and bounce around the room. I would do this for at least ten minutes. Sometimes back and forth through the laundry room and sometimes through the entire downstairs. We did this about five times a night. Sometimes I would think you were asleep but you weren't. Right when I layed you down you woke up and cried and I would do it all over again. There were times in these first few weeks that were very hard. We were just getting used to each other and feeding you was especially hard. A lot of times you weren't able to eat because there was too much milk. You would cry and cry and then I would cry and cry. Daddy would help me to calm down and explain to me that you knew that I was upset and so you didn't want to eat. Eventually we got the hang of it. Baby bell, you are the sweetest gift (apart from knowing Jesus and marrying daddy) that I have ever received. I will love you forever. I am praying that you meet Jesus at an early age and live your whole sweet life praising and glorifying him and making his name great.

Mama

**Cindy is Siena's nickname from Chris off of the nickname Cinderella.... yes we have nicknames from nicknames :)

Perspective

Sanctification is such a beautiful thing. During our time here if we yield our lives to the Holy Spirit, we will become more like Jesus. My soul shouts, "Praise God!"

But that doesn't mean that it's not rough. Sometimes sanctification hurts. You see your sin. You feel the call to change.

I feel that now. I am so glad that my mom gave me this book and that I started this journey with you to better thankfulness. It's funny though because every day when I come to read the book, my heart goes, "Woah, ouch." Primarily because I had already forgotten to be thankful in the few hours since reading the previous day. How tiresome it can become. But there is hope and for that I am thankful.

Today my heart has felt fleshy - yeah the dictionary says a different meaning for that word. What I mean is I feel led by my internal emotions not the Holy Spirit. The bible talks about when we let the Holy Spirit direct our path we get fruit such as self control, peace, and love. When we live out of our flesh, gross, icky things come out like hatred, anger, and despair. To top it off, I didn't just feel fleshy today, I acted fleshy. Please forgive me Lord.

Sometimes we need to just stop and ask for forgiveness. & that is today for me. Actually that is this moment.

I have been so wrapped up in how I wish certain things were different in my life, how I desire more time with my husband, and giving in to anxiety, that I was entranced with the weeds instead of gazing at the garden. CK came home for lunch today and instead of being thankful and happy I was depressed and full of anxiety. Boo. I ruined a fun lunch date. Today Karen reminded me that we need to ask God for his point of view so we don't stay trapped in our stare at the weeds mentality. When you ask, you will receive. How sweet is that. In the chapter she gave an example of a woman being at a Billy Graham crusade and hearing thousands of people singing praises to Jesus gave her a new perspective and a new vantage point.

Right when I read that, the Holy Spirit brought one of my favorite memories I have with my mom to mind. We both went to the Mars Hill Bellevue women's retreat last year when I was about six weeks pregnant. I remember being in the room with so many women singing Amazing Grace. We got to the verse that says,

When we've been there
ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days
to sing God's praise
then when we first begun.

I remember grabbing her hand and feeling so thankful that we both knew Jesus. That we were going to be spending an eternity together praising him. But I also remember being heartbroken for the people that we know that won't be there. & then feeling the urge to tell them the great news. What an amazing memory.
I am so thankful for it & the perspective that the Lord gave me in that moment.

You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
Psalm 18:28

JOB Day 16- Thank the Lord for the ways in which he has shared his vantage point with you.

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**If you desire to cultivate a heart of thankfulness & are willing to try it for 31 days (give or take - there is always grace here) - post a comment during any of my blogs that relate to thankfulness.
I will send you a gift at the end to show my thankfulness for you. If you are curious what the JOB is read my post here.

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The giveaway is open till Sunday - click HERE if you want to comment on the post & enter!

love.

Today, I can really say that I love being a mom. People have asked that so many times since I had Siena and each time had to come up with an answer. I would ask myself, “Do I love being a mom?” I couldn’t say yes. I couldn’t say no.

I couldn’t say yes because I didn’t feel like I loved being a mom. I knew I would. I knew that the Lord created me to be one and blessed me with a baby.

I couldn’t say no because I was scared. Scared to have people look at me crazy. Scared to admit that I didn’t love the job that the Lord gave me. Scared to say no.

A couple of times I half admitted that I wasn’t enjoying being a mom. That it was really hard. That most times I was up through the night I wanted to scream. I wanted to go outside and scream as loud as I could. I wanted to throw things. I’ve talked about this unrighteous, disgusting, sinful anger before. It was ugly. That most times I had to hold my baby through naps I wanted to cry. I’d even figured out how to go to the bathroom while holding her, open the fridge and eat, pour a glass of juice, have a quiet time. Pretty much anything.

I loved it for awhile. It was easier on me and much more restful. I didn’t have to listen to much crying and I could read and look at blogs for as long as she napped.

She finally got to the point where she was waking up throughout her naps where I would have to jiggle her back to sleep. It wasn’t getting easier, it was getting harder. So as I said before, we are on a new plan. I couldn’t hold my 13 pound baby forever.

Our days are not perfect but the Lord has looked on us and blessed my prayers. Each day is not easy but I am definitely learning to LOVE being a mom and LOVE my daughter more and more each day.

Awhile back my friend Shelbs and I were reading a hilarious post on parenting and knowing if you were ready. She told me that all of those “funny” things (that were actually more like reasons not to have a baby) were more scaring her than anything. We talked about how I should write a list of reasons that make parenting a joy. I have so procrastinated writing that list because I couldn’t necessarily find joy each day. But now I am. Now I can write that list. This post is half for my relationship with Siena and half because I have such an amazing friend named Shelby Lanting. She is such a blessing in my life and I hope to bless her through this list. Her friendship means so much to me.

*It is a joy to:

- be needed by such a sweet human

- know that you can ease her discomfort more than anyone else in the world

- know that you and your husband created such a beauty

- go to pick her up and see the gorgeous smiles that come alive because she knows you are there to be with her

- watch her grow and become a little girl

- see development each day – She is about to roll over and actually put her thumb in her mouth two days ago for the first time!

- know that the Lord has put her in my life to glorify him in my actions, sanctify me in the trials and joys, and to share the gospel with her every day

- watch her daddy and how much he loves her, totally redeeming father daughter love

- see how much others get joy from her and know that she is a part of me

- watch her little 6lb self become a chubby rolly polly 13 lb girl

- see that she is growing out of her second set of clothes and get ready to get into the next bag

- change her diapers because I am making her more comfy

- change her clothes and make her super cute with large flowers on her little head

- hear her make noises and try talking back to you

- pick her up after a nap and snuggle her little head into my shoulder

- lay her on my bed and sing and dance and watch her smile and laugh at me

- watch her daddy snuggle her on sleep in mornings

- … and sooo many more.

Hope that helped Shelbs. I love you. Thank you for constantly encouraging me and being there for me in everything over the last almost 5 years!

Naps

If I haven't already told you - Siena only sleeps in my arms during the day.

The story goes like this:
-2 month old Siena gets sick
-2 month old Siena won't sleep anywhere but in her mama's arms
-2 month old Siena gets better
-2 month old Siena still will only sleep in her mama's arms
-3 month old Siena will only sleep in her mama's arms
-4 month old Siena is now 13 pounds and hurting her mama's arms
-Mama is trying something new with the help of her mama.

Tuesday:
(these are my notes for my new plan of attack for naps... if it bores you, I'm sorry; it's more for my records than to be interesting)
9:00am rocked - slept 1/2 hr in arms, I got fed up & laid her down, she cried, let cry 15 mins
11:20am - lay her down while shes screaming because nothing will console her, sleeps till 12:15
2:05pm - sleeps till 235 help put her back to sleep, in crib till 306
4:36pm - put in crib, quiet at 4:49 sleep til 4:53 quiet at 4:57 till 5:47
8:15pm - in crib quiet at 8:40 (yeah... 25 mins of crying) till 10:40
10:40pm - ate and slept till 7:45am

Something is working!! Thank you Mom!!

1.5

I got an idea a week ago to priceline a hotel for Chris and I's 1.5. Our 1.5 anniversary that is. When we reached our 1 year, it was August and I was 7 months pregnant and super uncomfortable. Chris had planned a getaway to the Salish Lodge that overlooks Snoqualmie Falls. I opted that we waited to go until we had Siena Joy and I was more comfy and ready to actually snuggle up to my sweetie :).

So I began to plan a little getaway for the two of us to celebrate. I was going to have it happen this Friday, the 11th, because I thought that he had Saturday off. Good thing I had procrastinated in getting the hotel because I found out Chris actually had Wednesday (today) off. It was PERFECT! God is so good. 18 months prior to yesterday we were married and exactly 12 months from yesterday I took the pregnancy test and on our 6 month anniversary we found out we were pregnant. So much to celebrate and remember.

So here is the run down of yesterday:
9am: Siena wakes up, I hurry to make Chris and I lunch
10am: We leave to go visit Daddy's office so they can see Siena Joy
11am: Meet Grandma Sherie and Grandma M at Costco to buy Chinese Chicken Salad and a Magic Bullet
12:15pm: Meet Chris back in MV (Maple Valley) for lunch and let him read this note (that I was going to print off all cute but didn't have time so he read it off my iPhone)

Happy 1.5!
Today it's been 18 months since we married and 12 months since we found out about Siena Joy. You are an amazing man of God. It is incredible to see how he has sanctified, matured, and grown you in these short months of marriage. I feel so blessed to be married to you. You lead me to the Lord when my stubborn flesh doesn't want to. You gently, sometimes strongly take over caring for Siena when I don't have the strength. You love me and show me in so many ways. Because of how amazing you are and how much I love you I pray that tonight you feel loved & cherished.

12:16pm: Chris looks and me and says, "I read it really fast because I thought you were going to say we were pregnant again!" I reply, "...no not yet :)" He still has no idea that anything is happening even though I said tonight
12:45pm: Quick trip to Safeway to pick up ingredients for din
1:15pm: Get home and shower
2:00pm: Shelbs here, fun chat while I race around cleaning and packing our overnight bag
3:30pm: Shelbs leaves, I race around doing my hair, makeup, and continuing to finish cleaning
4:30pm: Mom gets here with Siena and I continue running around finishing details (Chris' outfit on the bed, running stuff for both of us packed, and wine and wine glasses packed - which we didn't end up drinking)
5:30pm: Finish making dinner
6:00pm: Feed SJ
6:30pm: CK gets home confused about why my mom is here
6:35pm: We leave after I get done explaining that we are going on a 1.5 date and act like we will see my mom in a few hours
7:00pm: Arrive at Kerry Park - if you haven't been there, GO! We hadn't been and it has SPECTACULAR views of Seattle - we eat our yummy chicken (recipe courtesy of Stac), rice, and salad
8:00pm: Arrive at the Space Needle - have fun reading on the history and looking at the cool sites, although the entire time I felt like I was on a plane and felt dizzy-ish and scared I was going to die, but it was fun nonetheless
9:30pm: Tell CK there is one more destination and drive by Hotel Max and point to it and say thats our last destination, CK doesn't believe me at first
9:32pm: Find out there is only valet and decide not to care that we spend $30 on parking
9:37pm: Proceed into the hotel - which if you care, is extremely bizarre
9:42pm: Get into our room out of the creepy hallway and we have a nice bed (King size - amazing upgrade from our normal full, yes we sleep in a full) and a huge flat screen (also an upgrade from our tv...)
10:00pm: Won't explain the rest of the details of the night - but we are married
10:00am: Finally we both wake up and get out of bed
10:05am: Brush teeth, get running gear on, and proceed out into chilly but beautifully sunny downtown Seattle
10:20am: Get pieces of fresh apple from two vendors and munch happily on the crisp sweetness
10:25am: Explain to Chris that we should get some fresh donuts from Pike Place, telling him that is why I stuck my debit card in my running pants zippered pocket
10:26am: He looks at me like I'm crazy
10:27am: We don't get donuts and we keep running
11:00am: Stop at Nord to see my dad
11:15am: Get a roof tour of Nord and see all the cool buildings and the water
11:40am: Decide we are getting McDonalds for bfast, my fav
11:55am: Check out of hotel
12:02pm: Realize there is not a drive-through at the MickyD's and get on the freeway
12:20pm: Get into Renton near the MickyD's and realize there is not breakfast anymore
12:30pm: Release mom from babysitting duties, love that woman to pieces
12:45pm: Eat huge omelets, toast, and orange juice that my hubby made for me
1:10pm: Get Siena to sleep
2:15pm: Put Siena into the little crib we borrowed from Sheree and Jon
2:42pm: Realize as I'm writing this that my husband probably knew that MickyD's would be out of bfast once we got to Renton
2:44pm: My baby is still sleeping in her crib... yes I know its only been a half hour but it's the longest she's gone in 6 weeks sleeping alone during the day


This was a wonderful blessing from the Lord. We celebrated, laughed, talked, got creeped out by the hotel, and knew all along that our sweet baby was being cared for.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you Jesus.

(Pictures to come)

God is good.

That is what is on my mind right now. I can barely wrap my mind around what that means. But I know He is. He cares for me even when I can't feel it. He loves me even when I am unlovable. He pursues me even when I turn my face from him. He gives me rest even when I have been lazy and don't deserve it. He is good.

I read a recent post that gave me this inspiration. I am combining it with my beautiful friend Ally's post that I read this morning that also was inspiration for writing my own. P.S. you should also read this post as it made me incredibly emotional and made my own sweet mama cry.

January 2010 - My last month alone with my man.














February 2010 - We're pregnant!














March 2010 - A fun date with my husband and we saw these animals.
The funny thing is.. I'm not even sure what they are.
(I could be killed for writing that and being a Geiselman)














April 2010 - Our first glimpse at Siena Joy, when we didn't know
if she was a girl or a boy.














May 2010 - Amazing road trip with the Lantings to celebrate the Garbers!














June 2010 - It's a girl!














July 2010 - Multiple camping trips with the Deans!














August 2010 - Celebrating one year of marriage!














September 2010 - A baby shower, isn't my mom gorgeous??





















October 2010 - Our precious girl was born!




















November 2010 - We meet Maggie Pearl!














December 2010 - Siena's 1st Christmas!

thank you.

thank you Jesus for-
-an hour and a half of quiet so that I could hear Pastor Chris' sermon from last week.
-friends who are willing to help me in this crazy new stage.
-an amazing mom who is so incredibly selfless & has taught me what it means to be a daughter of the King, a wife, and a mom.
-a sweet baby, after re-reading the chapter in Feminine Appeal (an amazing book by Carolyn Mahaney) about loving your children... I realize that I need to treat Siena Joy as a heritage and blessing from the Lord in all times, even the hard times when it feels like a burden.
-this home to live in.
-my sweet husband who selflessly serves me, stays home when I need him, and loves me unconditionally.
-your word. I cannot get through the day without it. it brings peace & joy like nothing else can.
-my Church family. what a great joy we are experiencing being a part of the body of Christ. nothing compares with the amazing relationships that he gives us, within our small expression of church and the larger Church :)
-Most of all, what I need to focus on for the next week. Being thankful that you came. You came to this earth as a baby, lived a perfect life, were hung on a cross, were buried, and rose from the dead. All of this to save this sinful people from their unrighteousness. Thank you, thank you, thank you Jesus.