wrapped in a handkerchief?

Hey Y'all.

No, I'm not southern. But seriously I wish I could say Y'all without it sounding weird.
I can't believe it's been about a week since I've come around here. That's what happens with a move, a little KB reunion, two dr. visits for the babe, a baby shower (not for me!), sleep training #2, massive teething, and the rest of life's daily occurrences.

Here is a little glimpse of my babe this week.

I wanted to share a little piece of our sermon this week that I felt like was really worth chewing on.

Pastor Mark preached a sermon on investing out of Luke 19:11-27 yesterday. He talked about how Jesus is a King and he reigns over the Kingdom of God. In God's Kingdom - people are loved, God is honored, and life is valued. Doesn't that sound amazing?

He also explained that God gives each of us talents, time, treasures, and we are to make a good return with what he gives to us. We will receive varying degrees of reward based on how we invest our life. This does NOT mean that we believe in a works based gospel. But your faith in Jesus to cover your sins is shown by a changed life, desire, and motive.

Pastor Mark exhorted us to not waste our lives. To use what God has given us for his glory!

So, through the parable of the ten minas, a nobleman gave large sums of money to ten servants and told them to engage in business until he came back. One man made ten more minas, one made five more, and one hid the mina in a handkerchief and made nothing.

So the question is, what am I hiding in a handkerchief that the Lord wants to bless, grow, expand, and use for his glory?

I could be hiding

-bible reading

-prayer

-fellowship

-some talent that he has given

-friendship

-marriage

-parenting

-evangelism

-worship

-money

-time management

inside my handkerchief.

But I don't want to. I want to figure out what I'm hiding and take it out. To allow the Lord to mold, shape, and transform me in that area. So that I'm not wasting my life. So that I'm glorifying Him in ALL I do.

What are you hiding in your handkerchief?

Control.

Control.
Control the amount of sleep your daughter gets.
Control the way your body looks.
Control the sound of your husband's activity.
Control the people around you so you stay happy.
Control the food that goes in your mouth.
Control the friends that you've been blessed with.
Control the ministry that is a gift.
Control the blog that you've started.
Control the relationship you have with the Lord.
Control the amount of anger you feel.
Control the way people look at you.
Control the cleanliness of your house.
Control the _______________.
Control.

The lovely golden idol I have crafted is beautiful on the outside. My daughter gets good sleep. My body is healthy. My ministry is thriving. My emotions are contained. My marriage is normal. My relationships are good.

The deceitful, shiny, fake God that I have created is not beautiful.
This is the truth.

I desire to control everything.
I try my best to control everything.
I manipulate others to get my way.

and when I don't -
all chaos brakes lose.
anxiety comes crashing down on me in an instant like a ton of bricks.
i cry.
my family is mistreated.
my friends are neglected.
my husband is torn in bits.
i'm exhausted by the constant juggling of the 1,000 things.
my joy cannot be found within this sparkly idol of control.

So I cry out to Him who is my JOY.

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all the day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.

I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,"
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.

Therefore let everyone who is godly offer
prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.
You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Be not like the horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
or it will not stay near you.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.
Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy , all you upright in heart.
Psalm 32

Praise the Lord!

Discipleship

For further training on discipleship, a group of women that I am a part of, read The Trellis and the Vine over the last month. We are continuing to read, digest, and think about what it all means and how to apply it specifically to our own lives.

The book is phenomenal. It is all about the great commission when Jesus says,

"Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to obey all that I have commanded you to."

He has commanded us to make disciples, so in essence, we are disciples making disciples who go and make disciples. It is an ongoing process.

Thankfully, we are never done growing toward Jesus until we are with him. We all have so much to learn, understand, and be sanctified in. Discipleship can look like many things.

-Getting coffee with a girlfriend, laughing, and digging deep into each others lives

-Have a conversation with a stranger in a coffee shop about who Jesus is

-Truth being spoken by a mentor about sin that she sees in your life

-Playing with your kids & helping them see that the Lord has blessed you with the toys that they have

-Praying with your husband before bed

-Listening to a training about reading your bible and then using what you learned in your quiet time

-Having an accountability person in your life to talk through hard sin and issues

It is SO freeing to think about discipleship this way. Especially for those of us who had an amazing experience with one on one weekly discipleship for so long. I was so blessed in college with this that by the time I was out on my own, I was unsure of what this looked like.

Once again, I am thankful for his grace. Grace that pours out over our expectations. Grace that enables us to serve, love, and be a witness to his gospel. Grace that gives us freedom in doing things differently.

Pray,

-Where do you need to establish discipleship in your life?

-Where am I already experiencing discipleship?

-How can I make disciples who then in turn are making disciples of Christ?

Because of him,

On another note, you really should check out this giveaway!

http://blog.beautiful-journey.com/2011/04/anthropologie-giveaway/

It's been awhile

since I've been around these parts. Well, a week to be exact. I was on my blog a week ago & felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to stay off my blog for a week. I think I may have a little of an addictive personality when I am only listening to my flesh and not yielding myself to the Holy Spirit.

So, when I hear his voice loud and clear about something I know it is for my good to listen.

A few days into the little blog purge, I realized something. I don't usually partake in lent - I feel like I need to focus on Jesus every day and when he shows me that something has become an idol in my life, it doesn't matter what time of the year it is, I need to stop, think, pray, and re-organize my life. But without knowing it, it was like a little version of lent right in my heart. He told me I was too obsessed. He told me I cared too much. He told me to look away for awhile.

And I did. And it was great. It freed up SO much time. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE the blog world that I have found myself in. I love my google reader and the way it keeps me up to date.

But if it is causing you to

a) Care less about your home

b) Spend less time with your children

c) Spend less time in prayer

d) Spend less time with your Savior

e) Forget about things in "real" world

f) Make you feel as if you are right back in the midst of the high school popularity contest

or a million other things...

Then I have to tell you sister. Stop. Take a BREAK. Make your husband's coffee & breakfast. And maybe even lunch. Meal plan for your family. Throw some laundry in the wash. Clean your bathroom. Change your sheets. Play with your baby. Kiss your husband. Get in a quiet place and CRY OUT to God for the people in your life who don't know him. Open up scripture & ask the Holy Spirit to change your heart and understand it and what it means for YOU.

I love you. I don't want you to be my walking partner down the trail of that.

Lets remember to GLORIFY him in everything. Even the amount of time that we spend doing this sweet thing he has given us.

Oh, and since I have been on here in awhile... check out these two posts! This one is a post that our church had us write when we were installed as deacons. This sweet one is our pictures taken by the lovely Jhen when we were in Cali a few weeks back. Enjoy!

earplugs.

You probably will think this is really strange. But it's basically survival mode turned daily routine. When we were living with my in laws for the first two months of Siena's life our little "suite" was on the main floor of the house. So, when I was exhausted and my 17 year old brother in law was watching Cougar basketball I could not sleep. He is THE Cougnumberonefan. My father in law had the idea to grab me a pair of ear plugs and see if that worked any wonders.

Truly, I say thank you Jesus for ear plugs.

Well, ever since... I have used them for all or part of the night. With a young baby you ask??? Yes. I know. My mom also thinks it is very strange. I just feel at peace with Siena's life and these little plugs have helped me get some much needed rest. So, when we moved into this house and our lovely neighbor's owned a rooster with a very messed up internal clock (meaning he goes off from 3am-4pm & is going off right now at 9:19am) my little friends came in VERY handy.

Not only have they helped me sleep, they have also given the hubster and I a few laughs together. I couldn't find one of my favorite pair for days. This was extremely frustrating to say the least. I went out into the living room one day and the other one was sitting there. I got so excited and told Chris, "Yay!!! I found my other ear plug!" We laughed and laughed at how excited I was.

It seems like it has been forever since I last posted. Life has just been busy and yesterday I was sick all day with the flu. Very icky stuff. This weekend was supposed to be filled with three birthday parties and lots of fun stuff. Now I am just queasy and tired and won't be going anywhere today. Oh well, God's plan is better than mine.

loveyou.



Cindy,

You were born on October 17th, 2010 at 2:31 in the afternoon. That time was so easy to remember because I was born at 2:32pm. We are one minute and a whole bunch of years apart. I was pretty nervous going to the hospital because I wasn't sure what to expect. But the whole thing was an amazing experience. Jesus was there for us the whole time and helped me to relax and get excited to meet you. The entire lobby was packed out with people to meet you when you arrived. Family and friends who are like family... It was amazing. Miss Heidi was in the delivery room to take sweet pictures of you when you were born. Grammie was there too to support me and of course daddy was too. Our midwife was amazing. A midwife is a person that specializes in labor and delivery. Her name was Debra and she went to Mars Hill and was such a support and help. We also had amazing nurses and one in particular, Kimmie, was a Christian too and so sweet. Debra asked daddy if he wanted to deliver you and he surprised me by saying yes. So the first person who held you was your sweet daddy. We stayed at the hospital for one night and then went to Papa and Grandma's house. I was very tired, sore, and a little stressed. Taking care of a little, precious bundle was a new job for me! You ate every two hours all day long for the first four weeks of your life. You and I would get up in the middle of the night and go into this special little room that Papa and Grandma set up for us. It had your changing table and a rocking chair. I would change your diaper every time (I didn't want it to be the reason you woke up) while you screamed very loud. Then I would nurse you and rock you until you fell asleep. Many many times you would spit up so much after eating that I would have to change you and swaddle you again when you were sleepy. This would wake you up so it would take about an hour to put you back to sleep. Thank you Jesus for my iPhone. I used it a lot in the wee hours of the morning to pass the time. If only I knew how short that time was. Daddy finally taught me how to put you to sleep more quickly. We would hold you upright on our chest and bounce around the room. I would do this for at least ten minutes. Sometimes back and forth through the laundry room and sometimes through the entire downstairs. We did this about five times a night. Sometimes I would think you were asleep but you weren't. Right when I layed you down you woke up and cried and I would do it all over again. There were times in these first few weeks that were very hard. We were just getting used to each other and feeding you was especially hard. A lot of times you weren't able to eat because there was too much milk. You would cry and cry and then I would cry and cry. Daddy would help me to calm down and explain to me that you knew that I was upset and so you didn't want to eat. Eventually we got the hang of it. Baby bell, you are the sweetest gift (apart from knowing Jesus and marrying daddy) that I have ever received. I will love you forever. I am praying that you meet Jesus at an early age and live your whole sweet life praising and glorifying him and making his name great.

Mama

**Cindy is Siena's nickname from Chris off of the nickname Cinderella.... yes we have nicknames from nicknames :)

Whiny Highlander

What a week. Actually, it's been a pretty crazy month. All I can say is thank you Jesus for good family and friends - and complete strangers (who are praying for me & mine ;). I am so grateful. It has been hard to get on my computer in the last few days as we have been super busy. Days filled with lots of craziness.

Wednesday we got to sleep in. If you know about my sweet Siena Joy, you know she has been an amazing sleeper from week four. We had a few hard weeks in the midst of moving and the holidays but she got back on track and was sleeping ten hours straight through. Well, the last two weeks have been a back to newborn stage as she is constantly starving. She has been eating every three hours through the entire day. So... in spite of what others may think (fear of man is really an issue here) we are going to be giving her rice cereal soon. She needs more calories and we want to see if it will help her last longer through the night. I know that many people have differing opinions but I think if it may help, why not try?

Back to Wednesday - we slept in. She actually woke up at 6 to eat and seemed wide awake but boy was I not ready to get up... So, I laid her in her crib and miraculously (Thank you Jesus) she fell back asleep about ten minutes after talking to herself. We all got up around nine and a real evidence that Chris may be on the mend is his desire to go adventure is back. We decided to drive to Snoqualmie Falls to get out and see something in God's creation. I also have a favorite Irish pub in Snoqualmie that I was happy to get to go visit. We got sidetracked with the beauty of the falls and ran into a college friend while looking at Salish Lodge sooo we didn't get to eat the yummy food. We then hurried back to drop Siena off with a sweet friend and get to Chris' dr. appointment. The dr. told us after many questions and an examination that one of two things were true. Chris was either getting over a nasty virus or he may have an issue with his liver. So, please pray & thank you because I already feel your prayers in the way that my hubster is acting and feeling. That night we had community group, which was amazing as we haven't been to church in four weeks...

Thursday, thanks to my amazing husband for a great birthday gift (Yes, my birthday is in April & yes, I just got to use my gift) and for another sweet friend who watched my daughter, I was pampered. I had a facial (delightful!), an eye brow wax (not so delightful but the outcome was very necessary), and a pedi (simply divine). Afterwards I got to stay and hang out at my friends and have dinner with our families.

Aaand... today we had mom's group at my house. I made scrumptious blueberry muffins while I got SJ to sleep in just like the other day... till 10:30! Then, ANOTHER amazing friend watched Siena while I got to pick up my highlander. Ohhh haha. Can't believe I forgot to add that part of the post and it's the title I chose for it. If it's not your baby waking you up every three hours, or your sick husband every few hours, it's your highlander. The alarm went off about 20 times Wednesday night in increments of 5 mins, 20 mins, and sometimes it would wait 2 hours just until you fell into a good and deep sleep. Anyway, I took it in and they can't even figure out the problem. Hopefully it doesn't happen again.I got to spend the rest of the day with a friend who is becoming very dear to me. She is so real, welcoming, warm, and fun to be around. I'm excited to get to spend more time with her!

Very short summaries of the last three thankfulness days...
Wednesday (Day 8) - Being there: Sometimes we need to show our gratitude for people by being physically present for them in a time of need.
Thursday (Day 9) - Involving yourself: Investing your life in small and big ways in other people's lives. Caring for the orphans and the widows. Feeding the homeless. Bringing your sick neighbor a meal.
Friday (Day 10) - Grieving with Gratitude: When a hard thing happens, instead of being angry with God, be thankful for the time that you did have that person/place/thing. Be grateful for the behind the scenes work that he is doing in your life.

JOB Day 8 - List people who have showed you gratitude by being a part of your joys and sorrows
JOB Day 9 - List three ways that people have been kind to you
JOB Day 10 - Write down some things that you are grateful for as a result of a loss you've suffered

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**If you desire to cultivate a heart of thankfulness & are willing to try it for 31 days (give or take - there is always grace here) - post a comment during any of my blogs that relate to thankfulness.
I will send you a gift at the end to show my thankfulness for you. If you are curious what the JOB is read my post here.

Day 7

Good morning. It's not sunny outside but I am feeling accomplished and joyful despite our circumstances. I feel a desire to write as each day I read this book it relates to what I am going through. I've done the dishes, cleaned the kitchen floor, tidied the living room, and then sat down to read. But none of this really matters even though I've checked it off my "list". We have a more pressing item in our lives. Chris continues to feel sick each day. It has progressed to him feeling ill deep in his core and stomach. He finally had his phone appointment today with the doctor and she said she doesn't know anything more. His iron level is low and he has weird enzymes on his liver. This sound familiar to my host of doctor readers?

So... with that she is referring us to internal medicine. He has ultrasounds this Friday and an appointment with the doctor at internal medicine next Wednesday. I asked my sweet husband if he was scared and he said, "no... bummed."

Am I scared? If I sit here and think about it too long, yes. Yes I am. I am so tired of seeing my poor husband shivering on the couch wrapped up in both of our coug blankets. I am tired of seeing him take medicine every 4 hours to control his fevers. I am tired of him barely eating what I make for dinner because he has no appetite. I am tired of him not wanting to take anything for lunch because nothing ever sounds good. I am tired of him being so sick that coffee would make him nauseous and so I don't get to make it for him each night like I always did. I am tired of our relationships being different in this home because he is so tired. I am tired of so many things.

But that is not the point.
And I know it.

I don't know the point yet. Maybe I never will. Maybe this will turn out to be nothing & he will be better tomorrow. Maybe it will turn into something that will change our lives forever. I don't know.

But I know the one who does know.
Do you?

Today's section in the book is so fitting. It is about hoping in Christ. At this moment and at all moments that is all we have to lean on. Or it should be.

I will leave you with a lengthy excerpt from the book because I love it and I cannot write as well as she can. It is so worth reading.

One chilly morning in December 1982 as I was returning home from a walk along the beach, I came to the end of myself. Nothing made sense anymore. I sat down right where I was and sobbed.

"God," I cried out, "who are you? Do you care anything about me? I feel hopeless. I've tried to find you. I want to know you."

Seconds passed. Then, ever so gently, a stream of familiar words came to mind: "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me". I had read these words of Jesus Christ in John's gospel (14:6) dozens of times. Why did they sound so different now? I wondered. Then I knew. I had never let them in before. I had never heard them for myself.

That winter day I did hear them - for me. I jumped up. "Jesus Christ is the way to God!" I shouted to the waves and sky. And to think I almost missed him! Here was the hope I had been looking for. No higher power, life force, or spiritual guide had offered me such assurance. "O God, thank you for your Son, Jesus," I whispered.

Everything was new in that moment. I was no longer a victim of my husband's actions against me. All have sinned and all fall short of the glory of God. That included me. I had known that from Paul's teaching (Romans 3:23) but until today I had never taken it to heart. No wonder I had not fully received this gift before. I had not seen myself as a sinner because I was too preoccupied with the sins others had committed against me. But that day I knew I needed forgiveness as much as anyone else. How grateful I was to know from my own experience that Christ did not come for the righteous but for sinners to repent. I was a sinner, and I prayed that day for forgiveness as I put my hope and trust in Christ as my Savior.

JOB Day 7- Have you received Christ's gift? If so, write down why you are thankful for it. If you haven't, write down where you are on your journey toward Christ.

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**If you desire to cultivate a heart of thankfulness & are willing to try it for 31 days (give or take - there is always grace here) - post a comment during any of my blogs that relate to thankfulness.
I will send you a gift at the end to show my thankfulness for you. If you are curious what the JOB is read my post here.

Gigantic Tears

By 8:15 I had said goodbye to Chris, eaten breakfast, and sat on the couch to read my blogs. I thought for sure that Siena would wake up at any moment so I just sat quietly reading. Through a blog that I've been reading I was linked to another blog I'd never seen, which in turn brought me to Maddie's story. As I began to read I found out that 4month old Madison Paige had gone to heaven not even two weeks ago. I was in such shock as I read on and on and on. Our lives are so similar. We were married within three weeks of eachother, got pregnant two weeks apart, and our babies were born four days apart.

I sat on my couch crying gigantic tears.

I looked at pictures of sweet Maddie and could not even begin to understand what her parents were going through. I watched a slideshow that showed her parents getting engaged, married, getting pregnant, delivering her, and then each month up until a week and a half ago. So many pictures reminded me of Siena Joy. They have similar face structure, have chubby cheeks, even have some of the same clothes and blankets.

I never ever check on Siena. I have had some sort of peace about her sleeping since she was born and am more afraid of waking her up then what could happen.

But I had to see her.
& I had to see if she was breathing.

I stared at my baby's back rising and falling. I couldn't stop crying so I left the room. I sat back down and just cried out to Jesus. Please comfort that family Lord. Please. I pray that they know you. If they don't, I pray that they meet you through this horrific event.

Twenty minutes later Siena was still not awake.

I had to go in again. She started stirring and normally I would let her move around until she woke up.

But I had to hold her. I had to smell her. I had to hug her.
Because I don't know how long I get to.

This has changed my perspective. It has given me a thankful heart for even the times that are so frustrating and irritating. It makes me want to wake up a million times during the night and hold her close because right now I can. My heart aches for them. I don't know them but I know very well the love that they had for their baby girl. I don't know them but I feel like I do.

Today's portion of the book talks about gifts from the heart. Although I would have much rather learned this lesson in a different way, her mama and daddy's blogging has truly been a gift to my heart. I am overcome with emotion at their experience and I am so thankful for their honest writing. It has caused me to live today with a different attitude.

JOB Day 6- Write down a gift that someone has given you from the heart (not necessarily a physical gift, something that has touched you in a way nothing else has)

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**If you desire to cultivate a heart of thankfulness & are willing to try it for 31 days (give or take - there is always grace here) - post a comment during any of my blogs that relate to thankfulness.
I will send you a gift at the end to show my thankfulness for you. If you are curious what the JOB is read my post here.

Day threefour

Boy was I ever right. There is a need for a load of grace here. I am so thankful that we have it. Truly thankful. I've noticed something about myself lately. I start a lot of things & I start them really well. But, I leave most things unfinished. I could think of so many things silly and serious.

-Bible in a year (3/4 done)
-Every cup of cocoa or tea I make
-MANY bible studies and books
-EVERY new year resolution
-To do lists that I make practically every day

On and on the list could go. I know that some sound stupid. Especially the hot cocoa one. But believe me, I have gone to my mug so many times and realized that the beverage I wanted so badly has now gone to waste. I so easily turn to the next thing to do and forget about what I was in the midst of. Wow. This seems to me like a crazy revelation from the Lord.

Right before I started this little quest of gratitude I thought, "Oh MAN! It would be so awesome to blog every single day of the 31 days." I secretly knew in my heart that I wouldn't be able to. Now some of you would say that I could. I'm sure you are right and if I made myself somehow I could do something for that long each and every day. But I think that this lesson is bigger than that. I think that I get wrapped up in the things of this world so easily that the Lord doesn't want me to worry about finishing every little earthly project that I desire. He is just focused on the end goal. So with that, I will continue focusing my mind and heart and blog on Jesus and the thankfulness we should have for him.

Day Three: Appreciating Life

Here she talks about natural disasters, tragedy, and crisis in our lives. How we should appreciate the life that we have been given. After experiencing these things that our appreciation for our lives becomes even greater. Now, I haven't really been a part of something extremely tragic. Members of my family have died from terrible disease, friends I know have experienced great loss - but I haven't really been struck with a great crisis. On a small scale, my husband is sick. We need prayer. For weeks now his poor body has been fighting high fevers, dizziness, and pain. For what I hope will come a good ending and a good diagnosis - we really do not know. Without focusing too much on our circumstance, this is a perfect opportunity for being grateful. I can be grateful for the time that I have my husband because truly life will not be like this forever. I can be grateful that the Lord can use this circumstance for his greater glory and bringing people to a saving faith and knowledge of him. But boy is that hard. If I focus on what my body and flesh desire, I am sick of waking up 4-5 times during the night for two sick family members, tired of doing so much housework, and tired of not having my normal happy active husband around. But that is not what the Lord desires for this time and he is bringing me out of selfishness and self pity and into a greater selfLESSness and thankfulness.
What has made you appreciate life in a clearer way?

Day Four: Celebrating Friendships

We can all point to an event or experience that made us aware of the importance of giving thanks for special people. These occasions remind us that expressing gratitude is one of the most simple, yet most profound ways we can display our recognition of one of God's most precious gifts: the gift of friendship.

This comes at the perfect time for Chris & I. This week we have been shown God's love through the gift of friendship. We have many many amazing friends and for that we are so blessed. But this week in a week of barely any sleep, sickness, and emotional exhaustion some of our friends have gone above and beyond. Our friends the Deans watched Siena while we were at the lab, our friends the MacEwens brought us delicious dinner & dessert, and our friends the Lantings brought dinner, dessert, and breakfast for the next day. Thank you Lord. Thank you Lord for these amazing people who have blessed us in a hard time.
What friends do you have that have that you are thankful for & why?


JOB Day 3- Write down the thing you are most grateful for regarding the gift of life
JOB Day 4- Make a list of friends you are grateful for and why

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**If you desire to cultivate a heart of thankfulness & are willing to try it for 31 days (give or take - there is always grace here) - post a comment during any of my blogs that relate to thankfulness.
I will send you a gift at the end to show my thankfulness for you. If you are curious what the JOB is read my post here.