Surpass

There is a peace that surpasses all understanding. It protects your heart, guides your thoughts, and enables freedom. It draws you away from yourself and your own desires and into the perfect plan of the Father. Today, I have experienced this peace unlike any other time in my life.

Today I found out that I miscarried after six and a half weeks of pregnancy. I spent a few hours in the Emergency Room after getting some advice from a doctor. Circumstantially it should have been quite a cruddy day. I was experiencing the first regular signs of miscarriage for about the last 24 hours, lots of abdominal cramping, swelling, being poked and prodded multiple times for an IV, two ultrasounds, hospital smells, tests, and shots.

I won't lie and say that these last two days have been fun. But I will tell you about the peace I am experiencing and where it comes from.

It isn't coincidence that this week I had been meditating on Psalm 34. It is full of exactly what I needed in these moments and I turned to it quite a bit. If you've read it and remember you will know what I am talking about.

I will bless the LORD at all times;
his praise shall continually be in my mouth.
My soul makes its boast in the LORD;
let the humble hear and be glad.
Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
and let us exalt his name together!
I sought the LORD, and he answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant,
and their faces shall never be ashamed.
This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him
and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the LORD encamps
around those who fear him, and delivers them.
Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him have no lack!
The young lions suffer want and hunger;
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
Come, O children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the LORD.
What man is there who desires life
and loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil
and your lips from speaking deceit.
Turn away from evil and do good;
seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous
and his ears toward their cry.
The face of the LORD is against those who do evil,
to cut off the memory of them from the earth.
When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous,
but the LORD delivers him out of them all.
He keeps all his bones;
not one of them is broken.
Affliction will slay the wicked,
and those who hate the righteous will be condemned.
The LORD redeems the life of his servants;
none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.

(Psalm 34 ESV)

I LOVE THIS! I could sit in one of those verses for days. Even though this is hard, hurts (emotionally and physically), and doesn't feel fun I am experiencing what that first verse says. Bless the Lord at ALL times. He will deliver me from my fears, he will not let me be ashamed, he will be near to me, he will save me, he will deliver me, and he redeems me. That is where the peace lies. In Jesus. Only in Jesus. In his life and it's perfection, in his death and how it saves us, and in his resurrection showing that he can't be held by death - we are given peace, knowing that HE accomplished it all because we can't. We can't do anything but HE does everything.

Can I get a HALLELUJAH!?

Not only has this strengthened my faith but it has strengthened my marriage. My husband has served me selflessly in these last two days. He has done everything for Siena and I, been so loving and has relied on the Lord. Right now he is memorizing the book of Philippians. He has been speaking it to me all day long. I don't find this a coincidence either.

What then? Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is proclaimed, and in that I rejoice.
Yes, and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.
(Philippians 1:18-21 ESV)

Obedience.

On March 21st, Chris received an email from our good friend, who is also the Children's Director at our church. This email stated that internships were changing (Chris was currently an intern in Children's Ministry) and that we needed to pray about whether or not we wanted to accept the new internship which included things like more hours and more training among other things.

We prayed and both felt the Lord pulling us in the direction of accepting the new internship. This meant a few things for our family. Part time work for the Church. Part time work for Chris' current job as he basically would demote himself to a lower position to continue to provide for our family. This also meant trying to find a family to house us for this season so as not to put an unnecessary burden upon Chris to work more than he should (a recommendation for anyone accepting these new internships).

A little back story. Since we met, Chris and I have both felt that obedience would look a little crazy for us in the eye of the typical person. We felt that the Lord would call us to do some pretty abnormal things for the gospel. It makes sense doesn't it? Jesus did a pretty abnormal thing, in laying his life at the cross, paying our penalty for our sin? In light of that crazy, amazing, act of a blessing - our lives should imitate his and be abnormally different to share the good news of a savior with the world. Right? Right. Because we knew that the desire had been placed in both of us, we were prayerfully considering every opportunity that came our way since being married. At the end of last year, a few came up, but I didn't feel peace about any of them. So we continued to pray and wait.

After we prayed, talked, and decided that we would accept the internship more began to change. The Lord began tugging at my heart to raise funds for this season. He helped me remember my previous three stints in raising support and how his name was glorified and how he provided every penny that I needed. The next day another one of our friends mentioned Great Commission Ministries and how we should consider raising money through them. Then we received more news to pray about.

We were asked to pray through accepting a full time unpaid staff position for our church. We prayed and talked and decided. It was so peaceful. Is raising your salary 100% peaceful? Is moving two times into two different families homes 100% peaceful? Is quitting your job that is providing money for your family 100% peaceful? Is telling your family and friends of this crazy opportunity 100% peaceful? In the world's standards? No. It's not. But it has been! Gloriously peaceful. Every decision that we've made has been laced with Jesus' peace and for that I am SO grateful. I know this is his plan. His will. His timing.

Of course, you may have questions. That makes sense. We want to answer them the best we can. But we don't know everything. Just like four months ago we had no idea that any of this would be happening. But the Lord slowly revealed it and it is good. So, if you have questions please, please ask. If you need clarification - I will do my best! And, if you support the gospel going out and want to support us you can go here and type in Chris Knight. But truly, we covet your prayers for Jesus to do work to allow us to work and serve him.

Here is the letter that we sent our a few days ago.

I'm grateful to be able to finally fill you in on the details.

We are SO encouraged, SO excited, SO ready to continue to be obedient to the call on our lives.

Control.

Control.
Control the amount of sleep your daughter gets.
Control the way your body looks.
Control the sound of your husband's activity.
Control the people around you so you stay happy.
Control the food that goes in your mouth.
Control the friends that you've been blessed with.
Control the ministry that is a gift.
Control the blog that you've started.
Control the relationship you have with the Lord.
Control the amount of anger you feel.
Control the way people look at you.
Control the cleanliness of your house.
Control the _______________.
Control.

The lovely golden idol I have crafted is beautiful on the outside. My daughter gets good sleep. My body is healthy. My ministry is thriving. My emotions are contained. My marriage is normal. My relationships are good.

The deceitful, shiny, fake God that I have created is not beautiful.
This is the truth.

I desire to control everything.
I try my best to control everything.
I manipulate others to get my way.

and when I don't -
all chaos brakes lose.
anxiety comes crashing down on me in an instant like a ton of bricks.
i cry.
my family is mistreated.
my friends are neglected.
my husband is torn in bits.
i'm exhausted by the constant juggling of the 1,000 things.
my joy cannot be found within this sparkly idol of control.

So I cry out to Him who is my JOY.

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all the day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.

I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,"
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.

Therefore let everyone who is godly offer
prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.
You are a hiding place for me; you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance.

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
Be not like the horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with bit and bridle,
or it will not stay near you.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.
Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy , all you upright in heart.
Psalm 32

Praise the Lord!

Leap.

Happy Beautiful WEATHER!

Sun and 65 degrees today, I think YES.

I don't think I've mentioned here yet how different my husband and I are. If you know us, you know this is true. He is extremely outgoing, loud, energetic, tall, happy-go-lucky optimistic, and adventurous. I am more on the I-like-to-be-alone, quiet, tired, realistic, and homebody type. The Lord definitely had a plan when he put us together. My husband also plays the guitar (I know I've mentioned that) and shockingly enough, I used to sing in my junior high and high school's choir. I loved it. But I never tried out for a solo. Singing in the choir was enough. And that's where it stopped.

Last week though, my handsome man, challenged me to sing with him at our Community Group. I said yes. Without thinking. I usually sit next to him anyway (he tells me that it helps him stay on tune when we sing together) but this is different! It was a definite leap in my faith. It turned out well and people jokingly are saying we need a name for our "band". We did it again last night and I really enjoy it. Just one tiny glimpse about why all those characteristics that he embodies might be a tad bit worth striving after.

Another recent news item, our friend Jon is heading over to the Middle East on a summer project with Campus Crusade for Christ. If you know anything about the Knights, you probably know that Crusade holds a very special place in our hearts.

-Chris and I were both discipled by AMAZING Crusade staffers

-Chris and I both went on summer projects (totaling 4 together!)

-Chris and I met through Crusade

-Chris and I's best friends were made through Crusade

on.and on. this could go.

Anyway, the point is not us. Jon is having extreme faith and has heard the call from the Lord and is obeying. Thank you Jesus that Jon is taking a huge leap and listening to you.

When you go on a summer project (short term mission trip), you raise your funds, similar to when the disciples would be backed and funded by the local church to go spread the gospel in other regions. It is amazing and the Lord uses it for his glory. How can you help you ask? Why yes, I would be ecstatic to answer that little question!

Go here. & help send Jon to the Middle East to share the gospel (literally - $5,$10,$20 seem small, but if that is what you have available then use it! Of course you could also do larger sums like $50,$75,$100)

This reminded me of him this morning as I was reading the Word.

1Thes 1:2-5
We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers, remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ. For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction.

Say a little prayer

FOR ME!

We are jetting off in about 8 hours to the sunny state of California.

I covet your prayers for -
~a safe flight
~peace & no anxiety
~a sleeeepy baby
~a calm baby
~reliance on the LORD.

I am beyond excited to get away. It will be SUCH a nice break from the normalcy of life. But I do get a little too wrapped up in the travel & I would rather not focus on that. Thank you in advance for your prayers.

Aaaand... hopefully I will be updating this while I am away!

fear not.

It is definitely a typical Seattle day here. Rainy & stormy & dark. I actually don't mind it, to me it's kind of comforting. But that does not mean that I am not totally looking forward to next weeks vacation.

I am struggling though. Struggling with fear. We are not supposed to live in fear. However, every time I am about to fly - something just overtakes me. The enemy knows how to assail me that is for sure. I can't stop thinking about all the what ifs and my mind is bombarded with things that could go wrong.

Job 39:22
He laughs at fear and is not dismayed; he does not turn back from the sword.

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

2Timothy 1:7
for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

I have to cling to these promises that God gives me. I have to listen, obey, and be sanctified to be more like Jesus so I won't fear this life. I have to yield my heart, mind, and soul to the Holy Spirit so I don't give in to lies.

My mind needs to be transformed.

Transformed into trust
Transformed into thankfulness.
Transformed into laughing at the time to come.
Transformed into love.
Transformed into grace.
Transformed into _______.

What does your mind need to be transformed into?

JOB Day 21- Write down two ways that the LORD has transformed you.

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If you desire to cultivate a heart of thankfulness & are willing to try it for 31 days (give or take - there is always grace here) - post a comment during any of my posts that relate to thankfulness. I will send you a gift at the end to show my thankfulness for you. If you are curious what the JOB is read my post here.