burdened.

As I sit here, a million things are whirling through my mind.

Why haven't I been blogging? Why am I blogging? Where are we headed? How do I explain all that the Lord is doing in my family's life?

Through the last hour of sitting in the sunlit playroom, reading my bible while my baby girl sleeps - I finally feel peace. My audience is one but I don't always feel that way. I feel caught in the middle of desiring many followers, creating beautiful posts, and loving to write and on the other side sometimes I want to stop blogging all together. I don't want my worth to be caught up in this realm of internet influence and I don't want to worry if my writing isn't as good as the next gal. As one third of this tiny family that the Lord is changing rapidly, I pray that my focus would be Him in order to lovingly influence the other two thirds to do the same. If my life impacts any one else outside of that - then it is all His Grace.

In all honesty, I am struggling to with transparency. I want to share my entire heart, our goals, dreams, where our life is headed. But as a missionary family that is trying to obey the Lord in everything, all the details can't always be shared until He okays them. I need to be okay with that. And I need to figure out how to let you all in on the things that I can without feeling like I need to stop writing just because I can't share every minute detail.

So, I will continue to share what I can as I am faithful to Him through His strength.

This quote struck me this morning in the book Spiritual Disciplines of the Christian Life,
"Why if we are obeying the Lord, the responsibility rests with Him, not with us! Thou, Lord, Thou shalt have all the burden! At Thy bidding, as Thy servant I go forward, leaving results with Thee." - Hudson Taylor